stepbrother dating stepbrother's ex-girfriend

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2001
stepbrother dating stepbrother's ex-girfriend
4
Wed, 05-15-2013 - 2:49pm

I have been in a relationship for about 5 years now, my husband has two sons from his previous marriage and I have one of my own, his older son has known this girl for some time now they are "best friends" his stepbrother  introduced her to my son, after a little while my son started to date her I was never  happy about this relationship based on the fact that she is 30 and divorced my son is 23 and has had one girlfriend, they dated for about one month and soonafter moved in together, they lived together for about 5 months before she decided she wasnt happy and broke up with my son.  now my son is back home with us (btw my stepson does not live with us)  he finds out that my stepson has feelings for her and she has feeling for him. My son has been in alot of pain for the past few weeks because he fell hard for her and she left him, but now the pain is even worst because he found out she broke up with him to be with his stepbrother.

The situation has gone from bad to worst because even though my stepson doesn't live with us  my son still does and my son refuses to speak to either one of them,  I  myself dont feel very good about inviting her over for dinner and receiving her with open arms like my husband want me to do. I told my husband that there will be no Thanksgiving no Christmas no family reunions because my son will not want to be around them. I would want to be with my son on Holidays ect. so being that he can not be at home because he doesnt want to share the same table as they that I will not be part of these festivities either, this siuation has a very high chance of breaking the family. I love my husband andI  know he loves me too, but I dont think this family will function the same when my husband expect everybody to be happy like nothing has happened.

My son really felt hard for this girl he is in the biggest pain of his life.

Is there a remote chance that we can survive this?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999

I think the best way to survive this is for you not to over-react by canceling holidays so you don't have to invite the woman.  First of all, you knew from the beginning that this relationship was highly unlikely to last based on age difference.  When your son decided to move in w/ a woman that he hardly knew, did you talk to him then?  I know that you couldn't really prevent him from moving in considering he's an adult but if it was one of my kids, I'd certainly have a talk about how moving in with someone you have only been dating one month is a huge mistake and unlikely to go well.  Yes right now he's hurt due to the breakup but he is 23--he will get over it and find other women to date, hopefully he will learn from this experience and date someone closer to his own age.

I also wonder how stepbrother felt when your son started dating the woman since she was SB's friend first--did SB feel like son was moving in on someone who was his friend?  Were his feelings considered at all in this?  I don't know--maybe this woman is really a user, like maybe she was after SB from the 1st place & just used your son to make SB jealous so she could finally "get" him.  And apparently is hasn't been that long since she & SB have started dating, so it could possibly not last either.

I do think that when family members have problems, they don't get solved by refusing to talk about it.  The best thing to do would be for son & SB to sit down together & for your son to get things out in the open and tell SB that he feels hurt that he was with this woman & now she's with SB--and hopefully SB is mature enough to listen to what he has to say.  But you know, they are adults & they really have to solve their own problems.  Having you & your DH each taking the side of their own kid & not being open to the other kid's point of view is going to end up breaking up your marriage.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-26-2004
Hi, I feel for you, and so sorry your son got hurt. In my opinion,I would focus on making life happier for my son; helping him past his sadness, go out and have fun together, encourage him having other friends over, etc. It sounds like this woman will probably 'move on' from the stepbrother soon, Too. She is a monkey, going from tree to tree, looking for young men to fill an emotional void. She isn't mature, and she won't stick around. I give it til Labor Day, if that,and she will move on to the next "tree". Hugs to you,hang in there! cc, Pepper

Pepperjack7

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2001
Thank You soo much very helpful!!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2001
Good Advice thank you!!