Stupid Step-Daughter

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-16-2004
Stupid Step-Daughter
25
Mon, 10-12-2009 - 10:43pm

First off, I understand my discussion title is inappropriate. But I'm just over it. I'm over my step-daughter. I come home and she can't be bothered to say "hi" to me, like I did to everyone and everyone BUT her did back to me. Then she goes all night without talking to me. Fine, annoying, but fine. I have a lovely time making conversation with everyone else. So then at the end of the night, I stupidly ask her about this outfit I had helped her put together a week or so ago. She mentioned that she needed a shirt to wear with a skirt she loved, but didn't have one, so I found a shirt, vest and belt from my own closet and let her borrow them. Just told her to put them back when she was done. Well, she gets an attitude with me tonight after I ask saying that she decided not to wear it. Bummer, because it was cute, but whatever. "Did you put it back?" I asked. Had to ask three times because she was pretending not to hear me. To which she finally responded "no" with as much attitude as her 14yo-going-on-30yo-little-butt could muster.

Now I understand that's not much to b*tch about, but it comes on the heels of a similar incident yesterday, and well, alot of similar incidences before that. I'm over her attitude, her everything really because I know that all she's doing is driving a wedge between her and her father's relationship, not to mention hers and mine. However, it's an increasingly frustrating situation that seemingly shows no end in sight. I for one am just so sick of it. Her grandmother being in town currently is the only reason she isn't grounded. I'm THISCLOSE to just being a snippy little b*tch back. (sorry by the way, I'm not sure of the rules of the board, but I think that's ok)
Anyway, I know returning the attitude won't solve anything, but I'm tired of always trying to "amend" how I respond, when I'm doing all the trying and she apparently can't be bothered to even be decent to me.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-28-2008
Tue, 10-13-2009 - 8:41am

I see the problem here as two-fold:

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-09-2009
Tue, 10-13-2009 - 9:42am
Wow! Awesome post! I'll just ditto you.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-16-2004
Tue, 10-13-2009 - 9:55am

You bring up some very good points, so I wanted to ask you a few more questions if you don't mind.


First of all, you're probably right in that I'm too involved in the SD (not sure what DSD is btw).

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-09-2009
Tue, 10-13-2009 - 10:16am

<<>>

By ignoring the behaviour. Unless she's being destructive or violent, you ignore the behaviour. She's 14, right, what would your DH do if you weren't around and she was home alone when he's at work. He'd either find out what she'd done when he was gone (by seeing the evidence), and punish her, or he wouldn't find out. I was a latch-key kid and got up to all kinds of stuff that my mom wouldn't have liked (nothing destructive or dangerous, but petty crap). Sometimes I got busted (when I was sloppy), but other times I got away with it. I still managed to grow up into a decent adult.

If she's snotty with you, then tune her out and go about your business. If she trespasses against you directly (takes your stuff, or invades your privacy, ect), then tell her dad, and tell him that you EXPECT him to handle it. If she's breaking the rules, but not trespassing against you directly (and it's not destructive or dangerous), then ignore it. If your dh asks if she broke rules while he was at work, then tell him, but if he doesn't ask, then let it go. If DH wants a babysitter while he's at work then he can hire one, and the hired babysitter can stress out about what the girl is doing.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2009
Tue, 10-13-2009 - 1:19pm

If its any consolation, I have a 13 yr old SD and i am facing many of the same issues that you just addressed.

Meez 3D avatar avatars games


The Honey disclaimer>>

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-09-2007
Tue, 10-13-2009 - 4:38pm

Remember:


1. She's 14. I was terrible at 14. The hormones, the attitude...it's tough! I have an 11 yo DD who can get under my skin like no else, we share clothes and getting them back can be a battle. When she cops her attitude I want to pull my hair out and she's mine!


2. I can't stand being ignored. I hate it. I find it to be extremely disrespectful. What does her dad do when you directly address her and she ignores you?


3. Do you feel like you can step back and be polite but removed?


I'm sorry for how difficult this is for you.


P.S. JMHO, very harsh thread title :(

Meez 3D avatar avatars games
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-16-2004
Tue, 10-13-2009 - 5:19pm

Firstly, of course you're right, the thread title is overly harsh.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-09-2007
Wed, 10-14-2009 - 9:21am
Just a tip (unsolicited advice) make sure that DAD does all the enforcing. It will make your life so much easier.

Meez 3D avatar avatars games
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2009
Wed, 10-14-2009 - 3:48pm

"Now's the time to treat them like they have a relapse of the terrible twos. Another room is the perfect location for anyone throwing a tantrum (or a bad case of "I hate you!")."

Best. Advice. Evah.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2008
Thu, 10-15-2009 - 4:50pm

ok, so i'm new to this board..but i'm not so new to being a stepmother and i'm probably gonna rock the boat by what i'm about to say, but i just have to get my opinion out there.


all of the advice of stepping away and letting daddy take care of everything might work for some, but i'll be damned if I'M going to feel like i'm a guest in MY own house.


dh had 3 kids, i had 3 kids and we have one together.

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