Undone

Avatar for bageria
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-14-2004
Undone
3
Fri, 03-30-2012 - 7:41am

Hi,

I'm new here I'm sorry I don't know the shorthand for names on the boards so bare with me. Also not technaically a step-mom because my boyfriend and I aren't married just yet and feel I need to be honest with you.

Here's some back ground... I'm 35 and my man (call him P) is 37 he has a 10 year old son. P and I have been seeing each other for 2 and half years. I waited almost a year before I met his son for the first time because I wanted to make sure that we were going to last before coming into the childs life. P had only been out of the house with his ex wife for 6 months when we met. ( An his son we'll call him M ) When M and I finally met it was hard because P's ex has M and most of the time and she still wants P back (and she is evil) Basically she tells M anything and everything she can to get him to not like me and not want to be around me. M loves me anyway and first thing he asks his dad when P has him on the weekends is when they will come and see me that day.

Avatar for Cmmelissa
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2008
In reply to: bageria
Fri, 03-30-2012 - 2:47pm
Big (((HUGS))) Bageria, and congrats on your pregnancy! His ex sounds awful, that's so sad that she's causing so much pain to her son instead of just moving on with her life. I just hate when people do that to their kids out of their own selfishness.

While you can't control what happens in her home, you can continue to reassure M of your love and that he will always be a part of your family no matter what. M is getting old enough to see right through his mom, and hopefully he'll learn to stand up to her and tell her he doesn't want to hear it.

How does your boyfriend handle it all?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2011
In reply to: bageria
Sun, 04-01-2012 - 8:19pm
I'm sorry! Congrats, I'm pregnant as well. I have two stepdaughters, 7 and 9. Fortunately, the mother doesn't tell them lies but she tells them too much that could sway their opinion of me. But, they love me. Almost too much, in my opinion considering they have their own mom. It's almost as if they don't have a biological mother, they are so needy. Anyway, if I were you, I would just continue to dispel any mistruths she tells him. Both you and your bf. Know this, kids are smart. He's 10, not 2. He will eventually catch onto what's going on with his sick mother, if he already hasn't! Just be patient and show him he's not been excluded as a family member and won't be. Unfortunately, I see him growing further away from his bio mom. Hope she gets help. Good luck!
Avatar for bageria
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-14-2004
In reply to: bageria
Tue, 04-03-2012 - 5:27pm
P always stands up for me to Both The Ex and M when needed but he also let's me deal with M if I'm there cause he knows I want to. I have some say in the way M is raised and when I make a decision or tell M something P backs me up. The Ex doesn't just lie about me she lies about P too and to everyone she knows. The poor man always has to fight her. She'll do things like go on Facebook and tell everyone how bad a father he is and that M is so sick she has to take him to the ER and P doesn't care and won't answer the phone When in reality we are home and the phone never rings.

M is already starting to see how things are He knows (without us telling him) that he can choose to live with his dad when he turns 14. I know this because Just he and I were together one day and he said he couldn't wait to turn 14 so he could pick living with P.

Part of me feels sorry for the Ex because she is so full of hate and anger and jealousy that she can't see what she is doing to her son or herself. One day she will push him away too. But I worry about the emotional scars she gives him now and there is nothing I can do.
It's hard to undo a two weeks worth of damage in 48 hours.

P has the Darth Vader song as her ringtone lol and as soon as He hears it he deflates because he knows there is some new crazy just waiting on the other line.