Very rude and disrespectful kids!!!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-03-2008
Very rude and disrespectful kids!!!!!
Sat, 02-06-2010 - 3:58pm

I have been married for 2 yrs been with this man for 3 yrs.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-09-2009
Sat, 02-06-2010 - 5:58pm

Please allow me to introduce you to the "Disengaging Essay".

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-16-2009
Sat, 02-06-2010 - 6:06pm

I think you have a DH issue. Certainly ideally BM shouldnt be alienating her children from you as really it isnt in the best interests of the kids in teaching them to disrespect adults particularly towards one who is kind to her children and provides for them, but she has no responsiblity towards you unlike your husband.

You mention they blatantly are ignorant towards you in front of your husband and can barely be bothered to interact with you, appreciate what you provide and in fact are disrespectful and rude to you. These children are not tiny tots and know better, in fact small children would know better if they were brought up properly - however your skids have one parent who encourages them to be rude to you and another who doesnt correct and enforce respect and courtesy for his own wife. Your husband enables them to be this way in ignoring their behaviour, he may use the excuse its in their best interests but is it? Really? Hes taking the easy route and path of least resistence because its better for him and no one else - certainly not for you, the kids....

If he doesnt correct them he doesnt have to lose face with his children, he can be popular dad still and he doesnt have to have any issues with BM. He would rather you be upset over everyone else who is acting badly which imo is very wrong.

Personally I would tell my husband directly how damn selfish he was being by closing his eyes to your misery. He may use the tedious chestnuts to attempt to guilt you, accusing you of disliking them, causing problems which arent there...but I would carry on regardless. You need to make a stand regarding this through telling him once all of the things he should be doing if he had any balls, I would then expect him to deal with his children or alternatively if he accuses you of nagging you directly call these kids out on their behaviour when they do it - so if one of them tells you they dont need to listen to you as you are not their mom or dont pay the bills - put them right and tell them you pay ALL the bills and that you dont have to be their mom in order for them to do as you wish in a house you pay for...if they mutter answers ask them if there is something wrong as they have a habit of this all in front of DH so you are showing him what the issues are or alternatively if things dont improve do not have them over if they continue disrespecting you - because frankly if they dislike you that much then they need not eat your food, use the telephone/ tv and anything else you bankroll.

Good luck.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-21-2006
Thu, 02-11-2010 - 6:53am
The others have given you good advice...the problem is your DH.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-08-2008
Fri, 02-12-2010 - 12:00pm
I'm wondering has it always been like this? and you married him anyway? or did it start later?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-16-2010
Tue, 03-16-2010 - 3:53pm

Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! I needed the disengaging essay. I have been with my DH for 10 years, and a step-mom for 7. We have two boys 4 and 6. I have two SD 20 and 15. Their mom became a drug addict shortly after we married. I am their personal scapegoat. The article describes our family dynamic EXACTLY. This past summer I decided it was time for me to remove myself from the equation. I felt guilty and horrible, but I also felt like I should be devoting ALL of my energy to MY children. I do feel that it is my husband's fault and he and I have been in therapy so that he can see why I am so angry with him for the last 5 years. In our immediate family, he can be "the dad" and that is fine, but his daughters are not mine, and he needs to step-up! I think he is finally getting it. The oldest asked if she could move home for the summer, and he said no. He said she had been so rude and disrespectful the last summer that she was home that he didn't think it was a good idea. It was the first time that I have ever really, truly felt like he has supported me. I don't feel like a blended family has to be an either/or situation, but by not supporting me in the first place, he has created this mess.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-17-2010
Wed, 03-17-2010 - 12:38pm

I am a step-mom to two girls (now 34 & 32) and two boys (now age 27 & 25)

When I first got married I put my heart & soul into being a good step-mom & not saying ANYTHING to his ex or his kids even when they made fun of me to my face