What has been the biggest challenge in your marriage?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2008
What has been the biggest challenge in your marriage?
1
Mon, 10-07-2013 - 4:16pm

Time has an article on how second marriages can be harder than first ones, because you are both bringing baggage into it: 

The knottiest of remarriage issues is often that of discipline, and here a ton of research provides a clear guideline. The stepparent’s role should be similar to that of a nanny, an aunt or a baby-sitter who is familiar with the rules of the house (such as, no TV before homework is finished.) She or he monitors and reports on the child’s behavior, but ONLY the biological parent should do any kind of punishment (and is also allowed to let rules slide.) And yet, far too often, a step-parent will think they should be the enforcer if they are to get real respect from their step-children.

The problems of remarriage are a national issue that have been hiding under the radar for far too long. It is only by bringing the unique challenges out into the open that we can possibly bring the dissolution rate of these marriages down.

Read more: http://ideas.time.com/2013/10/04/why-second-marriages-are-more-perilous/#ixzz2h4KfdRA0

Has discipline been a challenge in your relationship?  What else has been a sticky point?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999

Can I tell  you that this was a huge issue 2/ my 2nd marriage.  We both had kids from before.  When we got married, his DD was 12, and I had a DD 13 and son 6.  I just figured we'd each deal w/ our own kids.  The stupid thing was not discussing this before we got married.  He wanted to change things and then of course even if I asked my kids to do things--of course they knew it was coming from him so there was a lot of resentment there.  He spent so much time complaining about my DD leaving her shoes in the living room, for example, but his DD was the one causing major problems--taking money from us, running away, skpping school, that you'd think that would be enough to focus on.  I was so glad when we got divorced and I could go back to having a comfortable relationship with my kids, who turned out just fine.  Meanwhile his DD did not turn out so well and they are estranged.

I would recommend to anyone contemplating marrying someone where one or both of you have kids to discuss child rearing a lot before you get married.