wrongfully accused

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-22-2010
wrongfully accused
13
Mon, 02-22-2010 - 5:16pm
Hello.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2008
Tue, 02-23-2010 - 10:22am
(HUGS) and welcome to the board.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-13-2007
Tue, 02-23-2010 - 10:49am

I have a record at CPS because of false accusations by my ex step sons. I call them my EX step sons, because I recently "stepped" from their lives. I refuse to tolerate any more of their manipulation and bad behavior and no longer refer to them as my sons.

Anyway....yes. I've been where you are. And it's not fun.

Can I just say though? You say that there has never been any consequences for these girls for treating their Dad so badly. That was your husbands choice. He continually accepted their behavior instead of being a Father and firmly correcting it. He has no one to blame but himself. He's created the beasts.

If I had to give you any advice, it would be this: Go to court. Defend yourselves the best way you can with the best attorney you can afford. But under NO circumstances accept custody of those children. Under NO CIRCUMSTANCES !! To do so would mean the end of your marriage and the end of sanity as you know it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-22-2010
Tue, 02-23-2010 - 11:25am
Thank God someone else knows how I feel.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-13-2007
Tue, 02-23-2010 - 3:08pm

Maybe what I've been through can help you...

Several years ago, I would have said we were married to the same guy. My husband did NOTHING with his sons. And when I say nothing, I am not at all exaggerating. Granted, he worked hard, but when he came home, he barely spoke two words to his two sons. He'd only discipline him if I forced him and then he'd be mad at ME. We had custody of both boys because their Mom is a piece of work...long story.

My SS's told lies so that they could move with their BM to Florida. We had full custody and she admitted (after the fact) that she told them if they didn't lie, she'd NEVER be able to get custody and take them to Disney World, etc. etc. etc. CPS only really investigated one of the 3 allegations and even the one they did look into, they came to our home, spoke with me, laughed, apologized and left the house. End of story.

I know how heart broken you are because I remember full well how crushed I was that the boys I'd raised since they were 4 and 5 would set out to destroy me that way. I'm not sure I've entirely gotten over it. I tried to tell myself they were just kids and didn't fully realize the harm they were doing.

Now that their 20 and 18? I make NO excuses for them. I've cut them from my life and they are no longer allowed in my home. I've spent years doing for them when their Mother would not. When their Father would not. I was there for them every step of the way, no matter how badly they behaved, no matter what they did. And now I'm done.

I guess my point is that you'll get past this. The lies their telling will be exposed. What you need to be asking yourself is where do you go from here ? Do you attempt to maintain a relationship with them? Does your husband?

It's such a horrible situation. And devastating. I'm so sorry. Know that you'll both survive this and your husband isn't the first man a vindictive ex has put the screws to by using their daughters as "victims". It's disgusting...but it happens.

Be strong. Someday this will be just a distant memory.

xoxox

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-16-2009
Wed, 02-24-2010 - 10:15am

I think its always difficult for a parent to see be afraid of properly parenting their child in case the child gets mad and rejects them and or the problems it may cause with BM.


Unfortunately as you have said, your husband and his ex are creating vindictive children who will grow into equally horrendous adults. I think your husband hasnt been a particularly good one to you because he hasnt supported you or respected you enough by listening to you, I empathise because I had the exact same thing happen to me. My DH would get so angry with me if I insisted he parented and punished his son for wrong doing, he would refuse to be a proper dad to him and acted like a fun friend instead, allowing the child and his disturbed mother to act as they wished. My DH refused to address the abuse, threats and unhappy chaos BM would habitually bring to our lives allowing her to have her ways always over and above any of my wishes - it was like I was having an affair with my own husband because I certainly wasnt a priority over BM. My ss was gradually getting worse and was very manipulative, which remained unchecked and was encouraged by BM who hated me with a passion, only because I married DH. At age 5 ss accused me of hitting him and BM threatened to get the police involved - which basically would have ruined me. It was all lies.


That went on for years and the fact I tried my best to treat ss was I would my own but he would ignore me, lie about me and no matter what DH wouldnt protect me from either his son's or his ex's spitefulness.


I think there always has to come a moment when something either happens to push you over the edge or where you refuse to take no more of the unhappiness the situation is bringing. Both happened to me. However luckily for me I have not had to go through the level of accusations you are now having to endure, because I took control of the situation.


You sound like a good person and a good wife & Stepmother but now it time to protect yourself as there is little you can do about your skids and DH. I think you need to ensure you get excellent legal representation and quash these accusations, I would suggest you think about how you can further protect yourself - be that asking DH to move out, refusing to have the skids in your home and your life or finishing with DH.


I refused to have skid in my home and life, I encouraged DH to continue with his relationship with his son and would never stop him having contact with ss but I am done. There is only so much effort you can make and only so much abuse you can take, just because DH has children doesnt mean their happiness is more important than yours. Its all to easy to make them your priority through supporting them and doing your best, but again that doesnt mean you should have to be bullied and harassed by them. If your DH wont protect you, then do it yourself!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-22-2010
Wed, 02-24-2010 - 11:35am
I'm so greatful for counseling!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-02-2010
Tue, 03-02-2010 - 1:59pm

the girls have deeper issues, ask the court to require them to go to counseling.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-22-2010
Mon, 03-22-2010 - 8:02pm
I'm having a hard time again.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-16-2010
Tue, 03-23-2010 - 10:54am

I so understand. My SS is only 7 years old and he has told his BM that I have hit him and choked him many times because he wants to live with her and not us.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-17-2010
Tue, 03-23-2010 - 11:34am

I don't know if this will help you, but


My husband

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