WWYD as a disengaged sm?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-16-2007
WWYD as a disengaged sm?
Sat, 02-27-2010 - 10:30pm

***also posted this in BM/SM debate***

I don't post much, so the background is that I am a recently (like the past 6 mos.) completely disengaged SM.

DH and SS are out of town right now. They return tomorrow night really late. Because of the situation, I assumed (wrong on my part, I know) that DH had made arrangements to get SS back to his BM's house when they landed. Perhaps she would pick up at the airport or meet here (since our home is on the way to the airport) or DH would drive him back once they got back here. Any of those scenarios.

Just got off the phone with DH to ask him what time he lands tomorrow and what the arrangements were. He informs me that SS will be sleeping here and missing 1/2 day of school on Monday. Someone will be picking SS up here mid morning to take him to school. Now, DH leaves for work early which means I will be here with SS. I am a SAHM/WAHM to our kids. DH says, "well, you'll be home right?" I will be, but that's not the point. What if I had a Dr. appt. or meeting? SS is not allowed to stay here alone. (long story) Not to mention it will disrupt our morning of teaching. I also homeschool my kids.

So, I'm pissed that DH has not made other arrangements for him to go home that night. WWYD? I am of the camp "not my kid, not my problem" but how do I remedy this without sounding like the chitty SM for wanting the kid to go home at midnight.

I realize my problem is with DH. He obviously keeps missing the memo that I am disengaged and that I am not playing babysitter here.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-09-2009
Sun, 02-28-2010 - 1:09pm

I would likely be telling him that either he takes time off from work until BM (or whoever) picks up SS, or he and SS get up early so that DH can drop SS off at BM's before DH heads off to work. Or he sucks it up and drives SS home the evening/night that they land. SS is already missing a 1/2 day (and so can sleep in) so it's only DH who benefits from not driving him home from the airport, kwim.

If he whines (LOL) about missing sleep (so that he can drive SS home that night), tell him to stop being a baby (LOL). I'm the kind who is a wreck without at least 5 or 6 hours of sleep, but I'm also an insomniac, and I can't tell you how many times I've slogged into work without having had ANY sleep the night before. If I can do it, so can he!

Ask DH what he'd do if there was no "you" to pick up slack (although I might not phrase it quite like that, LOL).

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-16-2007
Sun, 02-28-2010 - 3:32pm


Ha! Don't tempt me! The thought has crossed my mind! :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-13-2007
Tue, 03-02-2010 - 6:11pm

How old is your SS? Because, if he's over the age of 5, he can do his own thing until someone picks him up. You should be able to continue with your planned morning and do nothing more than walk him to the door when he gets picked up.

Your husband on the other hand? Is he even aware that you've stepped? Cuz it suuuure doesn't sound like it. LOL He must be suffering from cranial/rectal inversion(head up his...you know). I'd welcome him home with a firm reminder. That I am NOT doing for his son again, and if he EVER attempts to make plans for my time without asking? He's in for a very, VERY rude surprise.