early advice for an only?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-13-2011
early advice for an only?
3
Wed, 10-24-2012 - 5:41pm

i'm currently 28 weeks pregnant with what is planned to be our only child.  i'm 35, DH is 42.  he has two older daughters who live out of state.  so this little boy we're about to have will basically be an only child.

i would love to have any advice from parents of only children to find out if there are things i can do from the beginning to make it easier both on the little man and on us with raising an only child.

thanks in advance!

Diane

Expecting #1 (a boy!) on January 16, 2013

Avatar for suzyk2118
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-30-1997
Sat, 11-03-2012 - 8:53pm

I'm an only with an only; had him when I was 33; he's now 20 (dh is 3rd of 8).  I love/loved being an only, ds sometimes felt he was the center of attention and would've preferred having someone else around for us to concentrate on!  Otherwise just love him, don't worry about the false perception of onlies being spoiled or introverts (those are things up to their surroundings or personalities, not something specific to onlies) don't listen to people telling you you're selfish (it's entirely up to you and your dh as to what's right for your family), enjoy every stage, follow his lead, explore everything you can together - it goes very quickly!

Sue

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-16-2004
Mon, 12-10-2012 - 2:11pm

We are sort in the same posetion as you but our older daughter is in another country.  W.  We have made sure  she is as much part of this family as possible, so even if she is much older then   little one she still can be a role model..   We have skyped with  Big daughter as much as she wanted so she can see her sister grow up-

Raising a single child is  like rasing  any other child, the only different is  you have to make sure it doesnt get overly spoiled and  you have to get to play groups so the kid get friends.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-06-2002
Wed, 12-19-2012 - 9:34am

Just raise him the same way as any child.  All first children are only children for at least a year and no-one makes any fuss about it.

Yes, it's easy to spoil an only child but these days it's easy to spoil any child.  They all want so much.  My DD is now 12 and I had her at 41..  Probably the only thing that may be different is that she sees herself as a third of our family group, not a child with us as two parents but as an equal.  She also needs more attention as there is no-one else for her to play with but that IMO is a good thing.  Of course now she's older, she's constantly talking to others on line or on her phone - she is probably the most sociable of all her many friends.

There are lots of positive aspects - financial being very important plus if he wants to do something he can, as he won't have a sister who might not want  to do what are perceived as "boys" things.  If he's interested in a particular thing you can indulge his interest and there is more chance that one or often both parents will be able to go and see him play or perform.

Probably the most difficult thing that I've ever read about on the boards is other people's perceptions.  So start from the premise that it is no-one else's business but your own how many children you have.

Good luck  

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