Oops, I hit post by accident.
Hi Barb welcome! Your DD sounds much like mine! Paige is only 8 but we have the same problems with her. One thing that has really helped us is doing community service with the Girl Scouts. I'm a very active Girl Scout leader and have over 20 girls in my troop. From working with other Mom's and leaders I've been helping Paige see the light as far as she is not the only child in the world and her need to give to others. For the past 7 years we've had a very nice life, not a care in the world really as far as money and Paige got pretty much everything she asked for. Now things have changed big time, we sold our family businesses which means we no longer have an income aside from what my DH gets from being a full time college student on his Army GI Bill! Paige does not get everything she wants now and is learning that she needs to give up things with nothing in return.
I highly recommend you establish some firm ground rules with your daughter. Really work on her with interrupting your adult conversations. Make it a point to not have them in front of her unless you have to, and if she interrupts cut her off and make her wait properly. Take control of the TV and maybe even go unplugged as an entire family for a week or more. I try to limit the time Paige watches TV and have been doing more board games with her and just reading time. Maybe you could even do up a family contract outlining the boundaries and behavior you expect from her.
I would also look into doing community service with her. Find a group of Girl Scouts to join, maybe a church group? I'm not sure what's in your area. Is there a children's foster home that she could donate some of her toys to and visit with them? If you contact your local child protective services office they may be able to point you in the direction of a foster home or they may even have a room that needs some attention. Volunteering at children's hospitals and nursing homes are great also.
I have such a hard time getting Paige to understand the value of a dollar. We're trying to help her by allowing her to make and sell bracelets. She has to pay for her own supplies, pay back Mommy for the supplies she has, save some and will have some to spend. Right now she has nothing because she hasn't been responsible about orders and keeping track of her money.
If you find some other idea's or something that works please let us know, I'm all ears!
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I don't have any experience but I'm glad you shared your story with us. I think volunteering would be a great experience for her. I think I'm going to tell my TV junkie husband that it needs to stay off during the week. He wants the TV on 24/7 so I insist on kid safe PBS. I don't want her to think the TV is just for her later in life.
I would just say that it's never too late to make a change.
Sounds like it may be family meeting time.
You asked about volunteer oportuntities.
Sorry for chiming in so late. Not sure if you are reading this thread still, but I thought I'd offer my two cents anyway. :0) You've already gotten some really great advice from the wise women of the board!
It sounds like you have already identified a large part of the problem - your feelings of guilt and anxiety and past unhappy experiences in your own childhood. My guess would be, though, that the things that you didn't get from your childhood that you wanted and needed
Hi Barb! I'm Amber, mom to DS 3. I just wanted to say that everyone had some great suggestions, and I wanted to echo a few things. First, don't blame yourself. As much as we as parents would love to take full credit when our kids are fabulous, we of course can't, and the same is true for when our kids are rotten. Recognize that she has free will and her own personality, and at her age she is fully capable of being her own person. As a few other moms mentioned, tackle just one or two behaviors at a time. I'm doing that on myself right now, trying to improve in some areas. If I went full-speed-ahead and tried to remodel my habits overnight, I'd fail and get discouraged and stop trying. Working on one or two things at a time is much more manageable and helps my self-esteem. For volunteering, check out www.volunteermatch.org. I used it several years ago and got matched up with a volunteer position, and I believe they have options for kids as well. Good luck!