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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2011
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Fri, 05-13-2011 - 1:45am

Hi everyone! I'm Samantha and I am a SAHM to an almost 2 year old little girl. M is a wonderful daughter! I always thought I would have a big family ( I have almost 30 first cousins, DH has 5 brothers) , but I just don't feel the longing for another like I did before I was pregnant with DD. We are 90% positive she will be our only. We are totally comfortable with our decision, but the hardest part is the comments from family. My mom was an only and hated it, but her parents were very strict and overbearing. All my cousins are constantly bugging us to have more, saying DD will be lonely spoiled etc. My daughter is incredibly outgoing and social for a 2 year old. She is very independent and I don't see her ever fitting those stereotypes. I live in a very German and catholic area which explains why everyone around me has at least 3 kids but most have more. Everyone acts like it's child abuse to not have more. I have thought of some nice comebacks for our next family gathering though. Hopefully that will put an end to all the comments.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-12-2001
In reply to: spruden0801
Fri, 05-13-2011 - 8:33am

Hi Samantha, The comments and unwanted opinions about your very personal choice are definitely annoying. What comebacks do you have in mind? If you read back through the board you will find several threads about this topic, with a lot of our own comebacks included. ;-)

I'm a SAHM and always have been. My son is almost 12. I worked from home for a few years but for the most part have been a full-time mom and housewife.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-2006
In reply to: spruden0801
Fri, 05-13-2011 - 9:28am
Hi Samantha! I was (and still am, in some ways) in a similar boat as you. Up until my DD was 5, I was absolutely content with having an only. I had always thought I would have more than one, but once my DD was born and for her first several years, I just felt so complete. When she turned 5, we got an itch to TTC again. We've been unsuccessful and are waffling back and forth with continuing to TTC or to just let it go and learn to be content once again with our family of 3.

I'm also a SAHM to an only and although my DD is 8, we have opted to have me continue to be a SAHM. We home school, so that kind of hinders me from working during the days. But, we're ok with that. :) If at some point my DD goes back to public school or once she is a bit older and can stay alone for a bit, I may go back to work part time. But, for now I'm a SAHM to an only and I love it.

I'm in total agreement. I hate those stereotypes that people try to put on children of different birth order/only children. There are kids who do fit those molds and there are kids who don't. My DD is definitely NOT lonely. She is pretty outgoing, too. Sure, she craves that other kid attention, but we try to feed that craving as often as we can, so she's not bored most of the time.

You have to do what is right for your family. If things change down the road, you embrace it. But, for now, you're doing what works for your family and you can't let anyone else tell you or pressure you to do something different. The last time I checked, it's not child abuse to have an only child. If that were the case, then there are plenty of parents out there abusing their children because they don't want to, or can't, have more children. If anyone gets nosy about why we don't have more children, I can either tell that person that it's really none of their business regarding the choices that my husband and I make...or I can tell them my whole sob story of trying for another for 3 years, having a miscarriage paired with infertility and it's just not working for us. Not sure which would make that person more uncomfortable. LOL!
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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-30-1997
In reply to: spruden0801
Fri, 05-13-2011 - 9:48am

I'm an (older) only and my mom stayed home til I was in high school. I worked FT before ds was born, and PT til he was 12, then back to FT.

We chose to have an only (dh has heart issues and didn't want to saddle me with more than one if something happened) and I guess I was lucky that being an only, no one really pestered me about more. DH liked telling people they can have as many as they want; I like

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-06-2002
In reply to: spruden0801
Fri, 05-13-2011 - 10:39am

Hi Samantha

My DD is now 11 and I've worked full-time since she was 4 months (We live in Scotland and we have longer maternity leave)

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2005
In reply to: spruden0801
Fri, 05-13-2011 - 6:38pm

Hi Sam.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2011
In reply to: spruden0801
Fri, 05-13-2011 - 11:57pm

Thanks everyone! It's nice to know i'm not alone in having an only and being a SAHM to an only. I'm also a young mom (just turned 24) so everyone thinks I'm going to change my mind. I don't think I will. I don't feel that my family is missing anyone, but I feel guilty for feeling that way. I'm sopoused to want more kids according to everyone. I'm a SAHM it's my job to raise tons of kids, I should have the energy for it. I don't nor do I have the patience. I like my daughter and I truly enjoy my husband's company and I know that our relationship will almost be nothing if we have another child. he works 50+ hrs a week and goes to school full time at night. There isn't much time for us anyways. I guess I just have to find a way to make what i always expected my family to look like mesh with what my reality is. It should be easy since my reality is much better than what i expected, but it's still difficult to change that idea of what a family looks like, and what I always expected out of myself.:smileyindifferent:

Part of what made my decision was that my daughter cried for 7 months straight because she had acid reflux. She learned to stand and 5 months and walk at 8. She has always been into everything. My husband was gone all the time for work and school, so I was alone with a crying, demading baby and i don't want to go throught that again. She is still super active and requires alot of attention. I don't have the ability to devote the amount of attention and supervison she requires and still have time to care for a newborn. Just tonight we took her to a restaurant that was having a live band. She was on the stage dancing, on picnic tables, In kids' faces screaming Hiiiiiii!!! at the top of her lungs scaring the other children, laying on the just rained on ground getting herself soaked, jumping in puddles, attempting to stick rocks in the speakers, patting babies roughly, etc. It doesn't end with her. She was up till 10:30 tonight and still didn't want to go to bed. She is a non stop kid, and I LOVE that about her. She is so much like me, but that doesn't mean I could handle another or want to.

Sorry this is so long. I just don't have anyone else to talk to about this without being judged as a wimpy, whining mom.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-2006
In reply to: spruden0801
Sat, 05-14-2011 - 10:12am
You definitely have an active kiddo! My DD wasn't QUITE as early in the physical development as your DD, but she was pulling up to standing in her crib at about 6 months and crawled at 7 months as we were trying to move from one house to another. THAT was fun (*eye roll*). Granted, she didn't walk until just shy of a year old, but she became extremely proficient at crawling. She also was one to cry...a lot...at night. *sigh* Then, as she got a little older (around age 2), she had some intense behavior issues - not just your typical terrible twos, but extremely destructive. She was an early talker and by 2, she had mastered the English language quite proficiently and would tell me that she didn't like a toy, look me in the eye, and tell me she was going to break it. That escalated to 3 years old, she told me she hated herself and wanted to die. Then at 4, she said that she was thinking about killing someone (turns out that someone was herself). Definitely scary stuff. On top of all that, she had asthma issues that were pretty scary. So, I definitely didn't want have any other kids at that point. We had our hands full. We've since started a gluten-free diet with her when she was nearly 5 years old (she's been on it 3.5 years). That changed a lot. We got the adenoids removed a couple years ago and that, coupled with the GF diet, has helped with most of the asthma issues. Those positive steps helped us decide to TTC again. But, we're also at a point where perhaps that's not in the plans for us and some days I'm ok with that. Other days I'm not. LOL! Just my personal story. :)

Anyway, you are NOT a wimpy, whining mom. You are the mom of a beautiful, active little girl! I hope she let you get some sleep last night! LOL!
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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-24-2004
In reply to: spruden0801
Sat, 05-14-2011 - 11:23am

Hi and welcome!

Yes...

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-26-2010
In reply to: spruden0801
Sun, 05-22-2011 - 7:55pm
Just wanted to add in- my husband and I are 26 and 25 and are "baking" our only child... We have already decided we want only one (we are both onlies ourselves), and my husband would definitely like me to stay at home if at all possible. :) You're not alone!