Holiday challenges lie ahead

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-06-2009
Holiday challenges lie ahead
Sun, 11-14-2010 - 5:52pm

Hi everyone!

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-06-2002
Mon, 11-15-2010 - 5:12am

Oh dear, that is so hard.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-28-2009
Mon, 11-15-2010 - 12:15pm

Hi there and welcome! I haven't been in your situation before, but I do appreciate the challenges in trying to deal with multiple family members during the holidays. When ds was small and was the only grandchild on one side, my mil INSISTED that we spend every single holiday with them. My family lives about an hour away from my in-laws so it was a pain to pack everything up and truck it back and forth, eat multiple times, try to accommodate nap schedules, etc. When he was about two, we just decided we'd spend Thanksgiving with my sister, Christmas Eve with all my family and Christmas Day with my in laws. Yes people got ticked, but ultimately you have to do what's best for YOUR family (the three of you). It took me awhile to convince myself that no matter what I did, I just couldn't please everybody.

It sounds like one brother doesn't care/celebrate Christmas. If it were me, I would respect that and maybe just call him to wish him a Merry Christmas. If he has kids, I would definitely send them something or maybe take them out somewhere during the holiday break. Your other brother has his own family, but if you guys are on good terms and would like to spend the holiday together, maybe you could plan a time to see each other. Maybe before Christmas, maybe for dessert on Christmas day, or maybe just meet up at the Christmas Eve celebration. Doesn't have to be a whole event, just a few hours together during the season. It really sounds like your parents are the tricky part. Would it be possible to explain your dilemma to both of them and invite just one down to spend Christmas with you? Then maybe the other one could come spend New Year's with you or come down a few days later? If they are behaving badly it doesn't sound like having the two of them in the same state at the same time is a good idea. I personally would negotiate with the one who is being more reasonable. Maybe invite mom for Christmas since relations are tense between your dad and brothers? Just a thought.

I'm sorry you are in this situation. It must be hard enough on you with your parents divorcing. Whatever happens, just enjoy your time with your son and your husband. Even if it's just the three of you on Christmas day. Sometimes those are the best holidays! Much luck to you and I hope you stick around. Let us know how it goes!


Avatar for suzyk2118
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-30-1997
Mon, 11-15-2010 - 2:20pm

Maybe it's time to start a new tradition - some on Christmas Eve and some on Day, so that you don't have any bad feelings but can accomodate everyone?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-03-2005
Mon, 11-15-2010 - 2:30pm

Tough situation. I have my DH who isn't really talking to his Mother and they live across the highway from us, makes it difficult to plan things. I decided I would plan things and if either of them didn't like it they could either a, not join us or b, suck it up and get along for our daughter.

I would make plans with Grandma and see if maybe you can see some of that extended family while you are visiting with her. Then I would tell the family that a certain time of the day you'll be having an open house for family and friends to come over and visit. Plan it during a time when they may only want cookie and coffee so you don't end up with a bunch of food, cookies can always freeze for a treat later :)

Good luck, I hope you can have an enjoyable holidays. Don't let their anger upset your family plans, my best advice is treat them equally and tell them you are not taking sides and they need to make nice for the children and Grandchildren over the holidays!



iVillage Member
Registered: 12-09-1999
Mon, 11-15-2010 - 8:48pm

I'd stay home and tell your family the door is open. Once Olivia was old enough to appreciate Christmas moring, I told everyone we're staying home for the majority of the day. My Mom and step-Dad come over fro brunch and then we hang out. We drive 2 hours to Nick's family on Christmas Eve, so, I see no need to accomodate them 2 days in a row. Guess that's why I'm the evil DIL! lol

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-15-2009
Fri, 11-19-2010 - 12:16pm

I agree with the other ladies.