how did you "decide"

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-28-2009
how did you "decide"
Sun, 11-27-2011 - 12:22am

My DH and i have one beautiful 1yr old DD. She was brought to us via IVF after a few years of TTC on our own. Now that shes walking and talking i find myself longing for another baby... But i also remember how horrible the infertility journey was, how defeated i felt. it was emotionally, physically, and financially draining. Im not sure how i would feel paying for another IVF and have it turn out negative. I am an only child i always wanted siblings and i think id like to give her at least one. Im truely struggling with the decision though. I dont know that i can put us through that again.. i also want to be able to give her everything i can always, and honestly i dont know that i can ever feel the way about another child as i do for her. so if you made the choice for whatever reason to have your one and only how did that come about... will i ever know what the right choice is? TIA

Avatar for suzyk2118
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-30-1997
Sun, 11-27-2011 - 7:12am
It's truly an individual decision. I'm an only too, and honestly never wanted a sibling - well, once I was just starting to get to dating age, I hoped for a big brother to help guide me in making good choices!

In our case, dh has a heart condition and didn't want to burden me with lots of kids if it got worse or if he died while we had young kids. I wanted 1 or 2; he wanted 0 or 1, so we had one. DS is now 19 so we made it through, but I do think we made the right choice (also took some of the parenting pressure off dh - we both lost our jobs, in his case a few times, while we had ds, so it wasn't an easy time at times). Now he's in private college, which there'd be no way we could pay for with more than one (and a lot of that's due to my parents passing and me using my inheritance). DS never really asked for sibs, and doesn't thrill to his cousins, so it's not like sibs or cousins are guaranteed as buddies.

He's always had a lot of friends, is very self-confident, now has a lovely gf that may be permanent after college and grad school are done (she wants to be a nurse practitioner, he an art teacher). He was always able to take art classes or be on sports teams or other after school activities growing up, and dh and I got to watch/join. He's an Eagle; we all enjoyed scouting for a number of years. He did well in school, in the GT program, and we went to loads of museums, parks, and on occasional vacations. For us, having one was a good choice.

You guys need to talk long and hard about what your family needs and wants, and then follow your hearts. Don't let nosy people push you into something that's not right for you. And best of luck.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-24-2004
Tue, 11-29-2011 - 10:32am

Hi Taressa...

Infertility has also played a part in the fact that we only have 1 child as well.

Avatar for creddig
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2000
Tue, 12-06-2011 - 3:38pm

Hi there,

I lurk here occassionally, and thought I'd reply.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-20-2009
Fri, 01-06-2012 - 1:41pm
I agree. It's a very personal decision. I had a moment of wanting another when DD was about a year old too. I wonder if it's something we're wired to feel because I've heard that a lot of women have the same thoughts when their children hit the one year mark. How that DD is 4, I'm glad we stood by our initial decision. I see my friends and family struggling to figure out how to afford activities and arrange calendars to accommodate other children, and I'm content to know that I can devote my resources to DD and not feel the least bit overwhelmed. If we were to ever add to our family, I think we would probably opt for foster parenting. There are a lot of children who need a good home. This wouldn't happen until DD was much older, though.

I wish you luck in making a decision. I know it isn't an easy one.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-03-2005
Fri, 02-10-2012 - 5:57pm