I feel stuck...intro
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|Wed, 03-02-2011 - 1:45pm|
I’m not sure what I’m looking for here but I wanted to put myself out here as a way to start my healing process (allow me to explain.)
My name is Michelle and I am the co-cl of Trying to Conceive After Miscarriage.
We have been TTC our second for almost 5 years. I am 29 and DH is 38 and we’ve been married for almost 8 years. We have a 7 yr old DD that was very much planned and conceived in three short months. She is my whole world and I would be a shell of a woman without her in my life.
We have spent close to $20K on fertility treatment with no success. We did get pregnant twice last year but lost both of those pg’s very early on. It was easily the worst time of my life.
I am on the brink of falling into a pretty good depression over not being able to get and stay pg. I can feel it coming on. I have made an appt with a therapist to help me on my journey to accepting that I will only have one child as I don’t think this is ever going to happen for me.
As the years go by, I have started to wonder to myself, what exactly my reasoning is that I want another child so badly. The answer is, I’m not sure.
My daughter is as close to being a perfect child as a kid can get. She is beautiful, excels in school and sports, has tons of friends and is very well rounded. She does however ask me a lot when I am going to bring her home a brother or sister. She does want one so badly but I think it’s more because all her friends have one. She honestly doesn’t know a single kid that doesn’t have a sibling. I hope that’s why anyway because if she really does want one for other reasons then that means I am letting her down also – in addition to myself that is.
I always envisioned my family with two children. I don’t even know why, I just never considered we wouldn’t be given a choice in the matter.
I guess the point of all this ranting is that I WANTTTTTT to be happy with my Only and I am trying to make efforts to get there and be content with my little family of three.
Thanks for listening :)