My update

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-11-2007
My update
10
Fri, 09-03-2010 - 6:46pm

Amy came and gave me a gentle nudge on facebook and I realised I should probably update what's happening with me.

Those of you who have been around here for a long time will know that about 4 years ago Michael and I separated for about 5 months but we decided it was worth trying to work things out. Well, we've tried for a long time now and done counselling and all that, but we have both just been so unhappy as we are just too different. I don't want to go into details or put down my son's father in a public forum, but our values are just so vastly different and it's really hard to feel emotionally connected to somebody that you don't trust or respect all that much.

So I now have my own place and I have to say that the feeling of relief has been enormous. Mitchell is spending half the time with each of us, which is something that he insisted on and so far it's working well and he also seems a lot happier, most likely without all the underlying tension all the time. One thing I must always say is that no matter what, Michael is a great father and I am glad that so far we can manage to put aside our differences and work together in Mitchell's best interests.

I only live 5 minutes away so the practicality is not too complicated and Mitchell hasn't needed to change schools or taekwondo or anything else. He was actually quite happy to talk about his Mummy and Daddy breaking up for show and tell at school, which was a little weird for me but I'm glad that he is comfortable talking about it. I know that he has talked to his teacher and has told her that he is happy with the way everything is.

So between all of that and working, I am not online as much as I used to be, but I love this board and the people here so I will make a concerted effort to check in a bit more often :)

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"I object to violence because when it appears to do good, the good is only temporary; the evil it does is permanent." - Mahatma Gandhi

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-2009
In reply to: bin74
Fri, 09-03-2010 - 7:50pm
Aw, Bin, while divorce is certainly a tough thing all around, I'm glad to hear you're feeling relief and happiness. I'm especially happy to hear that Mitchell is doing so well! I'm sure you're right in your assumption that his happiness now is directly related to the fact that he felt the tension between you and Michael when you all lived together. It's wonderful that he feels comfortable enough to talk about it at school. Right, wrong or otherwise, split households seem to be a pretty common thing for kids these days. I honestly think it's best for the child(ren) for parents to live separately and be happy than to stay together (for the sake of the child(ren)) and be miserable.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-22-2008
In reply to: bin74
Fri, 09-03-2010 - 9:50pm

Aww I know what a hard decision that must have been even when you know it's the right one.

My parents were divorced when I was about 8. The great thing was that they co-parented AMAZING. We always had birthday parties and major events together no matter what. As an adult I REALLY REALLY appreciate the effort that went in to that for them, especially early on. My dad still comes to my house every Sunday (my mom lives with us) and they get on pretty well.




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Avatar for suzyk2118
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-30-1997
In reply to: bin74
Sat, 09-04-2010 - 8:16am

{{{{Bin}}}} Don't be such a stranger!

Sue

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
In reply to: bin74
Sat, 09-04-2010 - 12:37pm

(((Bin))) I'm sure it wasn't an easy decision, but you sound very at peace and it's wonderful that Mitchell is happier, too.

Don't be such a stranger! Or I'll be nudging. ;-)

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-06-2002
In reply to: bin74
Sat, 09-04-2010 - 5:04pm
Good to hear from you Bin.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-09-1999
In reply to: bin74
Tue, 09-07-2010 - 1:47pm
I'm sorry for the troubles you have faced but I'm glad you're happier now. I love to see divorced/divorcing parents do the right thing by their kids. I hope you and your son continue to be happy.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-03-2005
In reply to: bin74
Thu, 09-09-2010 - 11:31pm

Good to see you Bin. I'm glad you and your soon to be X are working things out to co-parent. I'm sure that will make the transition a lot easier on Mitchell. My husband never had the chance to co-parent, his X took off with his son and it took him 8 months to find them....he's 18 now and we missed pretty much everything thanks to his birth mother.

Jodi

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-11-2007
In reply to: bin74
Fri, 09-10-2010 - 5:35pm

Ah Jodie that is so sad and selfish.

I really think that we will do much better as friends and co-parents than we ever did as a couple. Well we never really were a good couple. But we both intend to always make Mitchell our number 1 priority and as long as we can keep doing that it I have confidence that it will all be okay.

I guess for a long time I was worried about being judged for this but at the end of the day it has been a very difficult decision to make but one that we both ultimately feel is the best for everyone involved. If other people are going to judge then they don't really know enough about our situation and I can't be worrying about that.

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70000 post OCOnly Child board



"I object to violence because when it appears to do good, the good is only temporary; the evil it does is permanent." - Mahatma Gandhi

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-2009
In reply to: bin74
Fri, 09-17-2010 - 9:45am

You hit the nail on the head when you said it was your decision to make and one that you (and your ex) felt was the best!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-06-2002
In reply to: bin74
Fri, 09-17-2010 - 12:27pm
Yes, Bin only you know what is the best for you!
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