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Community Leader
Registered: 08-25-2006
New here...
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Mon, 08-10-2009 - 7:45pm

Not new to the boards, but new to this board.


I actually have 3 children, DD23, DD20 and DD9.

Serenity
Avatar for suzyk2118
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-30-1997
In reply to: serenity1986
Mon, 08-10-2009 - 7:54pm

The only thing I can say is stick to your guns; don't waver. Don't back down as she's counting on that based on past patterns. It's truly up to you.

I had that problem a couple of times when ds was about 3 or 4; never since as I followed through with, "if you do that, we're going home" or whatever the biggest threat/letdown would be (he's now 17). I'm also an only (50) and never was like that; I knew I wouldn't win and was just brought up knowing my parents made the rules and that was that.

Sue

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-03-2005
In reply to: serenity1986
Mon, 08-10-2009 - 8:08pm

welcome. My DD is 7 1/2 and can be the same way. Thankfully I've really been putting my foot down when we are out and about and not buying her a bunch of things she doesn't need. Occasionally I do cave and buy her things, but after cleaning out her room on Sunday it's going to be quite some time before she gets more stuff! We took out another 5 trash bags of things to donate and 1 bag of trash. DH and I also took out 5 bags from our closet of clothing and shoes that don't fit, it was time ;-)

I'm unique that I have two older step children that don't live with us. Paige, my DD, has an older 1/2 sister that is 22 and half brother that is 17, both from different mothers and both living away from us.

Jodi

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
In reply to: serenity1986
Mon, 08-10-2009 - 8:22pm

Welcome, Serenity! I have a similar situation myself. My older brother is 11 years older than me, so my mom essentially raised two only kids as well.

Since you have set a precedent of giving in to your dd, it may take a bit to undo that. But if you really stick to your guns and don't give in to her tantrums as well as enforce a consequence for it, she will eventually learn that it's not in her best interests to keep it up. Waaayy easier said than done, I know. ;-) But really, you aren't doing her any favors by giving in either. All kids try to push the limits, but they like knowing they have them (even if they would never admit it!).

Feel free to join in anywhere! I look forward to getting to know you. My ds Travis is 10, into hockey and drums, getting ready to start the 5th grade. :-)

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-11-2007
In reply to: serenity1986
Mon, 08-10-2009 - 9:07pm

Hello and welcome :) I have nothing more to add in terms of advice that hasn't already been said so mainly just wanted to say welcome. This is a great board :)

My son is 6 and we live in Melbourne, Australia :)

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-06-2002
In reply to: serenity1986
Tue, 08-11-2009 - 8:55am

Hi Serenity


My DD is also 9 (and a half!)

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Avatar for dzyg
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-17-2000
In reply to: serenity1986
Tue, 08-11-2009 - 9:51am
Hi Serenity, my dd will be 10 in six more days. She has her moments too and likes to try to win all the battles. There are some things I cave on and some things I hold my ground. I think things are better than they were a couple years back cause she knows she cannot get/do everything she wants. One thing that works for us is if she wants things she needs to earn the money to get them. So she has chores she needs to do for an allowance. Lately there are more and more things she wants so she knows she needs to save for things. Lots of times when she asks for things, even things like going to McDonalds, I say...are you going to pay for it. That pretty much ends the discussion. LOL!
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Community Leader
Registered: 08-25-2006
In reply to: serenity1986
Wed, 08-12-2009 - 1:06pm

Wow, such a prompt and warm welcome!

Serenity
Avatar for suzyk2118
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-30-1997
In reply to: serenity1986
Wed, 08-12-2009 - 4:49pm

I'm an only (way older) and I truly loved being alone in my room as a kid. I also had best friends either on the block (pre school) or next block (grade school) so it's not like I was a hermit!

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-06-2002
In reply to: serenity1986
Wed, 08-12-2009 - 8:22pm
Yes, my only hates being on her own!
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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
In reply to: serenity1986
Wed, 08-12-2009 - 9:37pm

Yes, Travis (10) definitely wants dh or I to be doing something with him a LOT of the time. It becomes less of an issue the older he gets, and we have made sure that he understands that we just will not/cannot/do not want to entertain or interact with him CONSTANTLY. He pushes it more with my dh, who in turn can get frustrated with it, but guess what? My dh is the one that can have issues with setting firm boundaries and following through on what he says, sooo...he kind of brings it on himself, kwim?

And even though Travis knows we won't always entertain or play with him, he still really enjoys just hanging out with us, all of us doing our own thing, etc. Now I LOVE that. :-)

Oh, and he has a very active social life, plenty of friends and playdates. Doesn't matter, he still wants US. He can have a friend over to play all day long, and when the friend leaves the first thing he says to us is "Will you play with me?" ;-) He IS capable of amusing himself though, and I think he really needs and appreciates his "alone time" to just unwind and think, relax, etc.

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