A newbie :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-02-2010
A newbie :)
16
Thu, 09-02-2010 - 10:30am

Thank goodness I have found this board. I am 27 and from Melbourne Australia and my husband and I are proud parents of our little miracle - 19 month old Xavier. It took us a long time to have him and many many different types of infertility treatments before we hit the jackpot with IVF. It is a very very complex story but for various reasons we are now unable to have any more children. We are a little sad at this, but it can't be helped and the odds were stacked against us and yet we were able to come out of this journey with our beautiful boy. So the way we see it, how could we be anything short of lucky.


What I am really finding difficult though is knowing how to cope with people's attitudes and inappropriate questions. People always ask "when are you having number two?" and it is hard to tactfully deal with the question especially when sometimes depending on my mood sometimes it makes me a little sad to have to explain myself. I am torn between having to lie and say "oh well, you never know, we'll see!! hehehe" which doesn't sit well with me as it doesnt allow me to fully come to a concrete acceptance of our situation. Or the other option is to tell the truth and say "oh well we can't have anymore". My problems with that are 1. why should I have to tell a complete stranger my personal issues, and 2. they often don't take the hint and carry on the conversation to either attempt to persuade you that "you never know your luck - maybe someday you'll have kids!!" (ah i assure you no i won't but thanks for making me feel bad) or to ask you for your life history on the matter.


I recently decided to take my son to playgroup. Two weeks in a

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-09-1999
In reply to: onegreatthing
Thu, 09-02-2010 - 10:57am
Hi and welcome! I'm sorry that you've had so many fertility struggles but I'm thrilled that you were able to have 1 little miracle. My name is Sunni and my DD is Olivia. She'll be 5 this month. I've been married to my DH for 10 years and we live in OH. I'm a fulltime WOHM so I'm a total freak around here. I just try to roll with it but I've been known to make a snippy comment now and then.
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Edited 9/3/2010 11:03 am ET by sunrenay
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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-30-1997
In reply to: onegreatthing
Thu, 09-02-2010 - 11:45am

One of our moms here,

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-28-2009
In reply to: onegreatthing
Thu, 09-02-2010 - 12:38pm

Yes, here we are! :0) I'm Sharon with ds Luke who is 6. We live in the Southwestern United States. I, too, was so happy to find this board. It's great to converse with a bunch of ladies who understand and appreciate the joys and challenges of having an only.


I love what you said about your son - "So the way we see it, how could we be anything short of lucky?" After suffering infertility myself and then being able to have my beloved little guy, I couldn't be

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-06-2002
In reply to: onegreatthing
Thu, 09-02-2010 - 12:51pm

Hi


We live in Scotland and my only is now 10 and a half.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2005
In reply to: onegreatthing
Thu, 09-02-2010 - 1:57pm

Hi and welcome.


My name is stacy.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-22-2008
In reply to: onegreatthing
Thu, 09-02-2010 - 11:45pm

Welcome! I'm a pretty upfront person so I tell people off when they are rude. If they are family or friends I hope they understand that it's our decision, and try and be nice at first at least ;p

I'm Mel (28) and married to my DH (34) for almost 9 years now and our son Gabe will be 4 in December.

He's an only by choice and I knew pregnant he would be our one and only. I LOVE having an only. I love not splitting time or having to schedule like some people etc. I love having time to "date" my hubby and have ME time too. All the benefits and none of the draw backs to kids :D

Jump right in and make yourself at home!!




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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-06-2002
In reply to: onegreatthing
Fri, 09-03-2010 - 8:00am
Stacy - I love all these LOL
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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
In reply to: onegreatthing
Fri, 09-03-2010 - 9:57am

So glad you found us!! Please make yourself right at home. :-) I'm Amy and my son Travis is 11. He is our only by choice. My dh is also an only and he turned out okay. ;-) We live in Iowa.

UGH, people's inappropriate questions and comments. It's such a sore subject with me. What is wrong with these people?! You definitely need to come up with a few standard replies so you can just rattle them off. As I just said in another post, the "sharpness" of your reply can depend on who's doing the asking and how quickly you want to shut them up. ;-) If someone was just asking nicely, I would just put on a big smile and say no, we don't plan to have any more because we are just SO HAPPY with our family just the way it is!! I have no patience for the ones that go out of their way to inform you that you're wrong to have one and attempt to tell you all the ways your child will be messed up, so I was never afraid to get really rude right back. Sometimes a frosty stare and a pointed subject change is the best way to go. Sometimes I would just pretend not to hear them and start talking about something else, LOL. Anyway, my point is that you of course don't owe them ANY kind of explanation so just do whatever works best for you given the situation. The good news is that the comments and questions do tend to stop once your child is about 5 years old. Once my son started kindergarten I pretty much never got any more comments about needing to have another. It seems to peak at around the age of your son until age 3 or so.

Are there other playgroups you could try out? Or maybe now that they've hashed out how hard it is to have two and when they'll have a third, it's out of their systems?? There really are people out there that don't make a big deal out of it, you just need to find them. :-)

I look forward to getting to know you!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
In reply to: onegreatthing
Fri, 09-03-2010 - 9:58am
>>"Oh dear, did you make a mistake and have another one then?"<< That made me laugh out loud, Moss!
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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
In reply to: onegreatthing
Fri, 09-03-2010 - 10:00am

>>I'm sorry. Do you always ask such rude and personal questions?<< \

Love it.

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