Questions from others?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-2006
Questions from others?
20
Thu, 03-10-2011 - 11:08pm

Do you all have some witty come-backs for those who feel they need to interject into your life?

I often get the questions like, "Is she your only child?" or "Are you hoping to have more children?"

Because we've been TTC for so long unsuccessfully, I've often said, "Yes, she's our only" and "We're trying!" But, now that we're not actively trying (not preventing either, but realistically, if it hasn't happened while trying for 3 years other than once with a result of miscarriage, so I'm not entirely sure that it would ever happen), I can't necessarily keep saying "We're trying!"

And how do you answer someone who you're not sure if they are asking out of curiosity or out of scorn about whether you ONLY have one child? I'm not sure if I'm being clear with that question, but I'm not sure myself whether some people are genuinely curious about our child-status or whether they are asking because they think we should be providing a sibling for our DD.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-06-2002
Fri, 03-11-2011 - 5:19am

There are lots, depending on how polite or rude you want to be and how well you know the person.

We're waiting until we're bored with this one before we try for another

We achieved perfection first time

We are devastated and heart-broken that we are unable to have another - then burst into tears so they wish they hadn't asked

God knows best (whether you are religiousor not)

Unfortunately what we hope for and what we achieve are not the same - and then look sadly into the distance with a tear in your eye

Yes, and I love it!! or Yes - and it's great.

Yes

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-30-1997
Fri, 03-11-2011 - 9:18am
People stopped asking us around the time ds was 4, but then I'm an only so I think that helped us not get asked as much! My all time favorite, as I've shared here many times, is, "we're not done with this one yet". And as my SILs have said, they even got bugged because one had 2 girls and one had 2 boys so people were bugging them asking if they were going to try for the opposite gender. People are just unthinking when they blurt things like that...ignore them and feel confident with what you have. Hugs.

Sue
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-12-2001
Fri, 03-11-2011 - 9:56am

If someone was just asking nicely, I usually just kept it short and sweet.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-2006
Fri, 03-11-2011 - 12:54pm
Thanks! Most often I get the generic, non-harmful comments of "Is she your only?" or "Do you have other children?" But, I HAVE gotten the unsolicited "advice" from the occasional stranger of "you know, kids really should have a sibling" or "you really should try for/have another one". Those ones really tick me off. Moss, I would LOVE to have the nerve to tell someone some of those comments when I get the rude questions. LOL! I tend to be more on the "sweet" side, but then I get REALLY angry inside. LOL! Perhaps if someone asks me one of the rude questions in the future, if I don't think I'll be seeing that person again (or they aren't doing something like handling my eye care at that moment - yes, I was grilled by an eye doctor while he was checking my eyes), then I might get bold and say something like, "...and HOW is that your business?"

Thanks for the suggestions though. I guess it just sometimes even bothers me when people are innocently asking, "do you have any other children?" especially if they see me weekly (say, at church). What do they think I do, go to church with my DH and my DD and leave another child at home by themselves?
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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-28-2009
Fri, 03-11-2011 - 1:17pm
omg these are totally hilarious.

I love this one:

We are devastated and heart-broken that we are unable to have another - then burst into tears so they wish they hadn't asked

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-28-2009
Fri, 03-11-2011 - 1:21pm
Ya know, I used to answer the same way "No, she is our only one but we're trying!" Now I have made the concious decision to change my answer to "We'd love to have another but it seems it's not in the cards, so it looks like it's going to be the three of us!" or some similar nonsense. If they ever got any pushier (luckily I have avoided that so far) it would get ugly.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-09-1999
Sat, 03-12-2011 - 12:39am
OMG! "we've become celibate." Almost fell off my chair.

I mix it up, too. I'm guilty of asking the question myself because I'm looking for a local co-conspirator. But, I try to hide my disappointment if they point out their other kids. lmao!
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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-2006
Sat, 03-12-2011 - 6:21pm
LOL! I have to admit that occasionally, when I have gotten to know a mom and her daughter who is my DD's age (girl scouts or some other activity that is age-specific), I forget that they might have another child and sometimes a part of me dies inside when they eventually mention other children. LOL!
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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-12-2001
Sun, 03-13-2011 - 10:14pm

Sunni and Tee, I feel the exact same way!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-23-2010
Mon, 03-21-2011 - 11:41am

I have a 12 year-old from a previous relationship and no children with my DH, so we get the "are you two going to have any children?" all the time. It's annoying. We always just say "No" and leave it at that. This is a choice we made not to have anymore and if anyone has a problem with it, that's just too bad.

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