8 year old boy defiant No's

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2008
8 year old boy defiant No's
5
Mon, 08-04-2008 - 7:28pm
Okay I am new to these message boards, but I am at a loss.
Avatar for bradleyteach
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-29-2001
Tue, 08-05-2008 - 8:25am
First, has he always done this? If so, not a stage. But I question, why are you giving him a choice between playing outside and cleaning his room? Chores should be assigned, not optional, and who would choose cleaning their room? Why does he need to be told to play outside? Things like chores and homework are definites, there is no "NO", and if there is, there's punishment. Sending a kid to bed for the day, in pajamas with the shades down seems to work pretty well for defiance. He needs to know that he does not get to say "no" to mom or dad. Why is he following you around and arguing? Again, put a stop to it by sending him to bed for the day. I wouldn't tolerate it. But think about whether you are being too controlling - are you trying to tell him what to do with every moment of his day? Where is his time where he decides what he is doing? Free time (which everyone, kids and adults need) should be free time, where you aren't telling him what he should do or giving him options. What does he do with his free time? What does he enjoy? I don't feel like your post gave enough information about the defiance, other than that you're just giving him the option of choosing playtime or chores which I don't really understand, and why he needs to be told what to do - does he just sit around all day if you don't give him something to do? Or does he happily play and occupy himself most of the time?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2008
Tue, 08-05-2008 - 2:19pm
It sounds like he's bored and what he has found to entertain himself is bothering you!
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2008
Tue, 08-05-2008 - 2:54pm
After I read about your messages back, I really was frustrated when I wrote that.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-15-2007
Tue, 08-05-2008 - 3:31pm

We are hitting those dog days of summer here, too, where the kids are bored of everything that they initially couldn't WAIT for summer to do, haha! If getting him to do the chores is a problem (although it sounds more like getting him to PLAY is a problem!), I combat the defiance by giving DS some say in when the chore will get done; ie., if I say in the morning, "So, what time do you think would be a good time for you to sweep the porch, before lunch or after lunch?" he chooses the time, the job gets done, and everyone is happy... He reacts much better to that than a direct "order."

To combat the bored, there's-nothing-to-do problem, I have made a big list of possible activities (from drawing a tennis court on the driveway to hit balls on; setting up a hula hoop target on the yard to chip golf balls into; play a game of mancala with someone; work on a 3rd grade activity book; build a house of cards; build something with Legos; take a bike ride with me to the park where we catch crayfish; etc...) and when he complains, I have him check the list. Sometimes he is in too ornery a mood to pick one, but sometimes it really helps. The other day he spent a whole afternoon cutting baseball pictures out of Sports Illustrateds and made a really awesome collage on a piece of posterboard; I took him to Michael's and bought him a cheap-o frame to put it in and he hung it in his room. It was time well spent!

OH! I also just taught him how to play Solitaire with cards, and he loves that! Keeps him occupied by himself for awhile!

Less than one month till school starts, whew... ;-)

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2007
Sun, 08-17-2008 - 2:17pm

Reading all of your threads on this is like reading what I have just posted. We are on Summer break here in the uk, and we have had a run of bad luck. First the timing belt went on the car, then my eldest was in hospital for 4 days, he had to have his appendix out. So we havnt been able to do a thing. Not being able to go anywhere we had planned because of the car, then not being able to go anywhere because of the hospital issue. And now the recovery time for my eldest. It might be that my son is frustrated with boredom as well. I wont let him out because we are on a main road, which is extremly busy, and most of his freinds live a good walk away. He is so ditsy I worry about him walking next to me, so letting him out on his own isnt an issue at the moment. I do occasionally ask him what he'd like to do, but he always comes out with an