8 year old daughter lying-need ideas

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
8 year old daughter lying-need ideas
3
Wed, 03-26-2003 - 9:11am
Hi,

I have an 8 year old daughter - who for the past 2 months has been lying. She'll lie about the little things and the big things...why - who knows! It started with a new friend she made at school...who was telling her who she could play with and what to say to her other friends...basically outcasting my daughter from all her friends. I finally caught on after a couple of weeks...but she lied about it saying it wasn't happening. But it was as 5 parents were concerned about my daughter as she is always one to make everyone happy, never hurting any one feelings.

Anyways, she lied 1 1/2 weeks ago again after about 8 times...so we grounded her from everything - tv, friends, playing outside, and her favorite baby she sleeps with (which I thought would do it)- she was just about done her week, and she lied again. :-( I'm at wits end as to what to do - I've done everything - we've smacked her maybe 2 times tops, we don't spank, and would hate to use that alternative.

I need ideas! It's apparently not working not letting her do anything - you guys have any ideas what I could try? She's even started lying at school for the past week - with her teacher. Help!

Laura - schmoo4me

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 03-26-2003 - 10:01am
My daughter is 9 and I occaisionally catch her in a lie. When I suspect that she's lying, I just come out and confront her with it. Usually, if I ask her," Is that true?" she feels like her story isn't working out and she'll admit that she's not telling the whole truth. Maybe find out why she is lying and let her know how she shouldn't tell people just what they want to hear to make them happy if its not true. Good luck.
Avatar for patgalca
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Wed, 03-26-2003 - 8:51pm
I have found that not believing her even when she tells the truth, though this upsets her, gives me the chance to say, "Well, you've lied before, how do I know when you're telling the truth?" I kept this up for awhile and my dd lies alot less than she used to. She knows she can't get away with anything anymore.

Pat - Katelyn (9), Melanie (6)

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Thu, 03-27-2003 - 4:18pm
In my opinion it is peer pressure from her new friend. I had a friend like that in Jr. High myself. I also had a similar situation with my 6 year old daughter. I immediately contacted the teacher and told her my concerns and asked if she could help me by keeping the child distanced from my child and help my child interact more with other children in her class. Then I contacted the mother of the other child told her of my instructions to the teacher and asked the mother to tell her child why they were not to play together at school or sit together on the bus. The mother was clueless and said that if her child did lie that it was not on purpose and that I was over reacting. I believe that the child knows that her mother will react to her in that way and that is why she lies. It was hard on my daughter at first but in the long run it will work out for the best. Also I try not to be to hard on her when the other child still talks to her. It is not her fault if the child still tries to communicate. As long as my child knows that it is unacceptable to lie and that is why she is not to hang out with the child. On a side note, I was grounded from everything when I was younger and I only remember feeling angry for it. So I try not to take everything away at once. Sorry this was so long and drawn out, but i hope it helped in some way. Have a blessed week.