8 year old driving me crazy!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-31-2003
8 year old driving me crazy!!
4
Sun, 02-01-2009 - 2:41pm

Hi all!

I am new to this board. I have an 8 year old son, he is an only child and the light of my life. My son is very caring towards others, he is funny, and has lots of energy. Will all this said he is driving me crazy with the rude behavior and him thinking he makes the rules.

I have never had this much trouble with him but now he is our of control. If I ask him to do something he looks right at me and says no or tell be to be patient. I have been telling him to clean his room for over a week now. He tells me he will but then I check in on him and it is still such a mess. It is so messy that you can not even see the floor and he just keeps getting more out. Yesterday I told him that I was going to take a nap and he had until I woke up to make a major dent in this room or I was bring a trash can in. When I woke up he still hadn't done anything. So I brought in the trash can and threw stuff in it and he didn't care at all! I am at my whits end I just don't know what to do with him anymore. I love him to death but he is out of control.

Sorry to go off on such a rant I just don't know what to do. Please help!





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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Mon, 02-02-2009 - 4:41pm

The behavior you are experience with your son is normal. How you handle it will determine how long it lasts but be prepared for it to come back a few times especially in middle school and high school. With some kids a simple reminder of the rules/expectations will be all it takes to remind them that they are not the boss of the house. Others might need more time and consequences but again that depends on both how you handle it and the individual child. And it could even depend on what is going on around them.

I also wanted to tell you that sometimes they will act like they don't care that you took something away but they really do. Sometimes at the time they got the item taken away or lost a privilege they didn't think it was a big deal but next time they want to use it, it hits home for them that it is gone or they can't go with their friends to the movies. My brother was one of those kids who acted like nothing bothered him when ever he lost a privilege, an item or got in trouble as a kid. He really did care but he wasn't going to let my parents know it bothered him. My parents gave up on enforcing some of the consequences with him because of his attitude; they felt it wasn't working so why continue.

One thing that worked on my brother was when my mom made him throw out the stuff he left out in his room after a similar deadline. She stood there and watched him pick up the stuff and put it in the garbage bag to make sure he did it. That way he was the one picking up the mess but was still facing the consequence of not doing what he was told to do in the time he was told to do it. From that moment on he picked up his room when she said to because all it took was a reminder that he would be tossing his own stuff out if he didn't.

I try very hard to make the consequence fit the action.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-31-2003
Mon, 02-02-2009 - 11:21pm
Thank you for your response. I do know that there has been a lot going on in our family lives lately that I see him reacting to but some of his behavior has gone on longer. He fights us to go to school, clean his room, turn of the TV everything. I never let him get away with this either but he just keeps testing and testing to see if I will give in. It is very frustrating. I love him so much and I hate it when I feel so frustrated with him.




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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-10-2008
Tue, 02-03-2009 - 12:59pm

That is great that you acknowledge that there have been changes or events that might be creating this behavior. That being said you are correct that it is not ok.
The key is to stand strong. If you ask your son to do something ( and I know that you are using a calm voice and you are making sure that he is not in the middle of a task) it needs to be done. You have given him the request and then the ball is in his court. Just as it would be if he, your husband, a friend asked a request of you. If you want that room clean than nothing happens until that room is clean. No tv, No toys, no moving on to another activity until it is done. If you have cleared out his room keep it that way. Right now he cannot handle toys and such in his room. If he would like them back, he can earn them by showing that he is ready to be responsible for them.
Take some quiet time to talk to him. See whats on his mind. Be frank and tell him how you are seeing his behavior ( not HIM just the behavior). Ask him what is going on? Make family rules together so that expectations are clear.
Lastly make sure that you are not modeling yelling as the way to express feelings. If you or you husband have a habit of yelling, or being rude or snippy your son is going to see that and learn that method as a way to get his point across.

Keep up the good work. It is all about consistency

Brandi Davis
Child And Family Coaching
(p) 215-805-7494
(f ) 707-885-7494
www.ChildAndFamilyCoaching.com
bdavis@childandfamilycoaching.com
Because nothing is more important than family
Brandi Davis Child And Family Coaching Sign up now to reserve your space at our FREE Parenting Q&A Conference call. Email bdavis@childandfamilycoaching.com for details. (p) 215-805-7494 (f ) 707-885-7494 www.ChildAndFamilyCoaching.com bdavis@childandfamil
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Tue, 02-03-2009 - 2:08pm
Hi Brandi! How have things been going? It's been a while since you've been on the boards so I hope everything is fine, that you have just been busy.