9 Yr Old Boy Hangs With Girls

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-24-2006
9 Yr Old Boy Hangs With Girls
7
Mon, 07-21-2008 - 1:21am

Hi all,


I would love some honest opinions here.


I have a 9 yr old son who, small for his age (but not the smallest), likes to hang out with his girl friends.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2006
Mon, 07-21-2008 - 4:48pm
I wish I had some answers for you. My just-turned-8yo DS is the same way. He loves to hang out with the girls, likes to try on my jewelery, make-up, etc. He loves to sing and dance (and he really has moves) and act. He loves the Littlest Pet Shop, but will hide it whenever his boy friends come over. He is very artistic and can draw better than DH and I (which is really not saying much, since I can't draw a stick person without a ruler). My 11yo DS has already begun to comment on some of his behaviors. Just wanted to know that you are not alone. I'm letting my son be. He will be whatever he was meant to be, but maybe somebody who has been there can give us some ideas on how to help him navigate the tricky waters of middle and high school.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2003
Mon, 07-21-2008 - 4:59pm

Hi there,


Maybe your son just prefers a softer, gentler kind of play... and less rough and tumble?? I sure a lot of why he is gravitating toward girls is because they share more common interests than his male friends. There are lots of guys who've taken dance classes and theater because they enjoy it (think Justin Timberlake, Usher, John Travolta, etc.).


I have two boys and they are very typical boys... sports, video games, etc. But if there are girls around they will totally engage in their play (I don't know if they would paint their toenails... but then polish has never been around). Both of them have let their little sister (who is almost three) dress them up as princesses just because it makes her so happy...


There are always going to be a couple of cruel kids

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-24-2006
Mon, 07-21-2008 - 6:13pm

Yes, he does prefer a softer, gentler play.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Mon, 07-21-2008 - 9:10pm

To me it sounds like he likes to hang out with the girls because of similar interest. If a lot of the boys he knows are mainly into sports and he can't stand sports it would be kind of boring to hang out with them more often than what he does. In all honesty I like that he feels he can be himself and that his friends accept him the way he is. That is going to help him weather any teasing he might get as he gets older.

It might not hurt to talk to him about how there are some people who are uncomfortable when people don't fall into those typical male/female behaviors. They will pick on the girl who is into science, building things or mechanics. They will pick on the boys who are into singing, band, theater and don't really care one way or the other about sports. But that picking on, teasing, bullying, being mean and nasty to others is really about them and their insecurities. In a perfect world no one should or would care about whether a boy liked to wear nail polish and was a dancer or if a girl was a truck driver. Unfortunately we are not at that point. Because you've said your son allows the more girl traits to come out when he is around people he is comfortable with I would say he already knows this.

My son adjusts his type of play depending on who he is with. He plays tennis, does karate and plays basketball, he loves his DS and Pokemon yet he will happily sit and do crafts with a couple of the girl's he has been friends with since preschool and kindergarten. He will comment on stuff they have if its pretty. And he has let them paint his toe nails (in blue or green but still they're painted). He will play dress up with his little sister and he will quite comfortably wear those gaudy play necklaces and bracelets. But then so do all the boys at his school. They get some of them as prizes from Friday's walking club. At April's field trip to the tide pools almost every single 3rd grade boy in Philip's class picked out one of those leather necklaces with fish, sharks or fossil done in metal as the suvenior they wanted. At the year end picnic there was face painting. In the beginning only a handful of boys had it done -- Pokemon balls, footballs, pirate eye patches, etc. By the halfway point many more of them had stood in line for something. By the end they were all letting the third grade girls use the face paint crayons to put on fake injuries; on their arms, legs and necks and faces. The girls were quite talented as some of these "injuries" were pretty realistic until you looked closer.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that kids are much more accepting today than they were when we were kids. The boys I knew who wore saint medals, hid them because guys didn't wear necklaces when I was a kid. If it was seen outside of our small circle of friends it was "my mom makes me wear it. I'm grounded if she catches me without it." My friend who was diabetic would always make sure people knew that he was wearing a medical alert bracelet and it wasn't a real bracelet. I was a tomboy when I was a kid, so I had lots of guy friends. Now I did wear dresses to school but then it was that or dress pants for the girls up until I was in jr. high. Outside of school I rode my bike every where, went hiking in the hills near our house, played baseball, football, cricket and soccer. I had girl friends but I had more fun being active than I did playing Barbies or dress up or the quieter games girls were suppose to do. I was accepted as I was. Part of that was because of my attitude and part was because a lot of the boys (and even a few grownups) believed I was into sports because of my sports mad brother. It was okay because a)my little brother was with me a lot b)he was very good, c)he wouldn't play if I didn't get to play and d)I was good but not great so they didn't look bad because a girl was way better than them BUT didn't have to have someone on their team who couldn't play. I am fairly sure that if my brother would not have been as good as he was or as insistent that I got to play too I would have had a harder time getting to do the things I enjoyed. I am also sure that I got away with doing non-girl things so much because I was being humored by the adults. I looked very girly. I was petite, blonde, was cute, well mannered, was a good student and outside of wanting to play sports I didn't push the expectations of what a girl should do. My bike was very pink, my skateboard was lime green but had Strawberry Shortcake and rainbow stickers all over it. I wore ribbons in my hair and my play clothes were definitely things girls would wear. I may have been able to quote you the stats of various baseball and football players but I did it while wearing a dress.

dawn200608.jpg picture by cariadlawn


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Mon, 07-21-2008 - 9:12pm

"Speaking of 9 year olds, do you all find that the boys get sassier at this age? "

Yes. According to my gf who's son just turned 10 it only gets worse and more common.

dawn200608.jpg picture by cariadlawn


iVillage Member
Registered: 02-24-2006
Mon, 07-21-2008 - 9:27pm

Thanks for your responses-they are very helpful!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2006
Tue, 07-22-2008 - 11:54am
Was it the Love Frog (pink frog), cause my DS got that one too, LOL. My DS does like some boyish things. Like your son, he is not into sports; well, group sports anyway. He does like golf, tennis, and horseback riding, anything that does not involve playing on a team. He played soccer for one year when he was 6 and all those kids running straight at him totally freaked him out. I was thinking of enrolling him in Aikido, not because I want him to be more athletic but because I think it might help his concentration and it is good exercise. He will spend hours in the bushes behind our house looking for bugs (his all-time favorite thing), keep them in a bug house to observe them for a day or two and then let them go. He always makes sure they have food and water and sometimes I have to go online two or three times a day to find out what stinkbugs or lightining bugs or grasshoppers eat. He told me the other day that he likes S (one of his girl friends) because "she likes to dig in the dirt like me".