anyone else have behavior problems?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-27-1999
anyone else have behavior problems?
Fri, 02-06-2009 - 1:51pm

Hi- I have a ds who is 8 1/2. For a number of yrs we've had trouble with him in terms of tantrums the second he doesn't get what he wants, being very defiant, and basically not listening to us if it does not suit him. When he was young everyone said he would outgrow it but at this age, I doubt it and his behavior is affecting the whole family. He is a very smart boy and actually only gives his dad and I trouble for the most part. He does fine at school and camp and fine on sports teams where dh is not the coach. If dh coaches, ds will give him trouble if he doesn't get the playing time he wants, position that he wants, the call doesn't go his way, etc... THis past yr. we had a parent say her son won't play on my team because she doesn't want him exposed to my ds behavior.

We almost don't like to go anywhere with him or have people over because we never know when this embarresing behavior

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Mon, 02-09-2009 - 1:16pm

Hi Jan. What kind of things has the therapists suggested?

What does he say when you talk to him about his behavior and how it is effecting his friendships and your family?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-21-2008
Mon, 02-16-2009 - 2:35pm

It sounds like your son walks around with what I call a "low grade fever" of frustration. It doesn't take much to trigger his upset, as you well know.

Frustration will always go one of two ways: either adaptation or aggression. Rather than focus on punishments or rewards, I would look to help your son feel his sadness and find his tears when he's frustrated. This means NOT talking him out of his feelings, or saying things right away to try to make him feel better. Avoid telling him all the reasons he can't have or do what he wants, and stay with him as he simply feels his disappointment.

Susan Stiffelman, MFT

Susan Stiffelman