Bullying

Avatar for blueskyinmaine
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Bullying
9
Thu, 03-27-2003 - 9:41am
Hi everyone,

Just as an update, my DS is talking to the school counselor too. They seem to be focused on the fact that he is new here. I hope he is not going to be "labeled" by the school. I have an appointment with the pricipal and his teacher tomorrow morning because he and some other students are being bullied in school. The teacher is aware and tries to stop it, but there are 3 boys who are disruptive and bullies. This has been on and off all year. Now with these other issues to deal with DS just can't deal with it. I told him to say in a loud voice "Stop it. I don't have to take this from you. Back off." to these boys. I don't want him fighting in school, but I don't want him at the mercy of bullies either. Any suggestions out there?? I seems that when it rains it pours!! Thanks for listening,

Taunya
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: blueskyinmaine
Thu, 03-27-2003 - 9:56am
Taunya,

My brother was very small and quiet/reserved and an easy target for bullies in school. My dad didn't want him to fight either. They fixed the problem very easily, but it did involve one minor incident. My brother took karate. He learned *self-defense* and how to try to prevent a fight, but how to defend himself as well. It only took one incident after that. Once the bullies saw that he could defend himself very well and would not be intimidated by them, they left him alone. And he started to make more friends, too. I suspect because kids saw him less as a weakling and more as a person - with confidence.

HTH

Michelle

Avatar for patgalca
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
In reply to: blueskyinmaine
Thu, 03-27-2003 - 6:41pm
I have mentioned this before, but there are a lot of newbies here and I think it's worth repeating. Check out www.parentingletters.com for a book on letters parents can "write" to their children. It is an excellent book. I purchased it and have already given the bullying letter to my dd. If anyone is interested in the wording of that particular letter I would be willing to email you. I have passed that particular letter on to a few people who found it helpful.

Pat - Katelyn (9), Melanie (6)

Avatar for blueskyinmaine
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
In reply to: blueskyinmaine
Sat, 03-29-2003 - 6:17pm
I would love to have a copy of that letter. Thank you for the website too. I will take a look there.

I agree that DS has to handle this one. I went to talk with the pricipal and we all felt he has to step up and take care of this himself. Thanks for your imput!!!

Taunya Is it spring anywhere???(sigh)

Avatar for amyteddie
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: blueskyinmaine
Sun, 03-30-2003 - 10:21am
Hello I know what you are going through my oldest ds who is now 11 was bullied by several boys in the second and third grade unfortunately he was the one who always was sent to the office because the other boys would lie about their involvement and my ds was sensitive and did not want to get anyone else in trouble which made him an easy target. You might want to have a meeting with the school counselor and tell them how things are going. I absolutely agree with you I didn`t want my ds to fight but if they would not let him alone I finally told him take up for yourself do not be their punching bag anymore. He was getting kicked and held down one day on the playground and he reached up and hit one kid in the nose. Yes he went to the office and yes he got a pink slip but they did not bother him anymore after that. Not saying you should tell your ds to hit anyone but in this case my ds was being held on the ground by several boys at the same time he had to do something. (((( HUGS)))) I know this is not easy to deal with but for your ds sake it has to be dealt with new kid or not he should not have to let anyone treat him badly!

Good luck to you and your ds!!!!
Avatar for patgalca
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
In reply to: blueskyinmaine
Sun, 03-30-2003 - 11:06am
I emailed the letter to you. But I thought I would post here the table of contents for Parenting Letters since I do not believe it is shown on the website. The book, by the way, is not expensive ($12.95 U.S.), comes in paperback and the letters are for you to tear out and use. They are on pretty letterhead and are in a hand-printed format (not typewritten). Here's the Table of Contents:

You're On the team!

Cheer on your athlete for their dedication and hard work, celebrate their love of sport.

The Perfect Kid

Love your child just the way they are.

Life's Top 10 List

The most important values you hope your child lives by.

I'm sorry

Apologize for yelling with written hugs and kisses

We're NOT arguing!

Turn your kids' arguments into conversations.

School Grades

Today's Lesson: Success is measure beyond report cards.

I can... You have to...

What you can do for your child, what your child has to do for themselves to make their life work.

Just you and me

Take your child on an outing to simpler times, leave behind the programmed world of electronics.

A Family is...

... not necessarily a father, mother, two kids and a dog - it's whoever loves you.

Lighten Up

Relax your role of the responsible parent, spend some time together laughing and letting go.

Setting Limits

Put down the rope in the tug of war over limits.

We're All Human

Foster an acceptance of others and their differences by giving them a human face.

I'm Not Perfect

Erase the notion that adults don't make mistakes.

The Wall

Find a way behind the wall your teen has put up, reassure them they don't need one with you.

Wipe Away The Tears

Comfort and love your child when they are hurting.

Back to School

Help your little student adjust to a new school year.

Eat your Vegetables

The classic "eat your vegetables" lecture without the nagging.

Taking care of you/Letting go

That fine line between looking out for your child and letting them go.

You're the Greatest!

A short, light love letter to your child.

Bullies

Support and suggestions on how to handle a bully.

If you break the rules

A sneak preview of how you'll react if your child breaks the house rules.

The weather is great, the food stinks

A form letter: make it wasy for your child to write you letters from camp.

Let's talk

Create an atmosphere for open dialogue

When Someone Dies

Comforting words and warm empathy in coping with the death of a loved one; there are two letters included, one for male, one for female.

The Trust Factor

The foundation of trust, why it matters, how it can be weakened, and more importantly, how it can be strengthened.

A Parent's Dilemma

What goes through your mind when you're asked for permission, particularly after you've already said "no".

We are Family

Rekindle a warm family atmosphere.

Where are you going and when will you be home?

A form letter: Have your child fill in the blanks to keep you informed of their whereabouts.

My Precious Child

Recapture the special closeness you shared in early childhood; there are two letters included, one for a son and one for a daughter.

"I just want you to be happy"

Are we creating expectations that life should be problem-free? Dissolve unrealistic expectations and replace them with coping skills.

Give me a Hand

Why helping out isn't about them, it's about helping out in the bigger picture.

Calling all Slobs

A humourous attempt to cure sloppy habits.

Don't take it out on me

Love your child through a bad mood - as you redirect their anger.

Shopping With You

An ordinary chore can be a special outing when you go together.

Parents are people too

Gotta give this one a try - here's hoping for a little parental appreciation.

Introducing: The New Dinner Menu

Post this light-hearted sign in the kitchen as your answer to meal complaints.

When I was your age...

Remember and share the hard parts of growing up.

I don't want to practice!

Tune out the protesting and complaining, work on the fundamentals of learning.

PLEASE...stop bickering

Settle arguments without raising your voice - and by becoming more of a family.

Divorce

After "we both still love you", what divorce means to your child.

Pat - Katelyn (9), Melanie (6)

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-20-2003
In reply to: blueskyinmaine
Sun, 04-20-2003 - 1:56am
My ds was being teased last week - his first experience with teasing/bullying. I got online and found this site: http://bullies2buddies.com/manual/kids/index.html

It's awesome! My son and I sat here together and read the whole "manual". He tried the method the next day and the bullies gave up after only a couple of tries. After three days the teasing had stopped entirely! My son's confidence level shot back up because he had handled it all himself, without me having to "rescue" him.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: blueskyinmaine
Mon, 04-21-2003 - 3:51pm
Outstanding website! Absolutely excellent!!! I copied all 10 sections!

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: blueskyinmaine
Tue, 04-22-2003 - 12:32am
My ds is dealing with some verbal teasing. I decided not to intervene and told him to just try to ignore what was being said. I really believed if ds wouldn't react to what this kid was saying that he'd get bored and move on to someone else to tease. Ds is really getting fed up with all the negative attention. Ds told me today that he wasn't teased as much today. But I'm really glad I checked in today! I've got all 10 lessons printed out too. We'll read them over tomorrow night. Thanks so much for passing on the info you found.

Shirley

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: blueskyinmaine
Sat, 05-03-2003 - 7:11pm
Ds must have not let his emotions get the best of him. The kid that called ds a mama's boy, wimp, etc. in front of a kid from another grade called up and asked if he could come over?!!??? Shirley