Buying clothes then DD won't wear them

Avatar for colomom99
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Registered: 03-28-2003
Buying clothes then DD won't wear them
Sat, 11-22-2008 - 1:47pm

I tacked this onto other post but thought I would devote and entire thread to this. My daughter (almost 9) and I are in constant battle over clothes. I have learned to let her make choices but I money is too tight in our house to be buying clothes she then decides she doesn't like, don't fit, feel "weird", etc. I've tried taking her shopping and letting her pick out things and try them on. I've asked her to make pinky swear promise she will wear what we buy, I've tried to explain that clothes are too expensive to just waste. It doesn't seem to matter. I end up losing my temper when she pulls the same dirty clothes out of the hamper and wearing them over and over and leaving the new things in the drawer until they are too small or worse, wearing them once and then deciding she doesn't like them and so I can't take them back.

My husband thinks I'm over-reacting but he doesn't know how expensive it is. She wears things that are too small and so skorts are so short her bottom hangs out. I've tried to clamly explain that is not appropriate. Two weeks ago we went to Justice and bought her two new outfits. They were expensive but I agreed. Day after day she did not wear them so I knew what was coming. First she said she was waiting until it was colder. Then she said she was waiting until it was warmer. Then today she said she didn't like the way they fit. I told her I was returning them because I was not going to waste over $100 on clothes she would not wear. She threw a crying fit and said she would wear them later.

I'd like her to have nice things but I am sick to death of the whole subject. Any advice?


Avatar for nickercam
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Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 11-22-2008 - 6:55pm

Welcome to my world.

Avatar for bradleyteach
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Registered: 06-29-2001
Sun, 11-23-2008 - 11:16am

Hi Jenny,

I think you need to step up and be the authority figure.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2007
Mon, 11-24-2008 - 12:45am
I'd definitely start by going through her drawers and closet and taking out everything that's too small, as well as everything that isn't seasonally appropriate. She can't argue about wanting to wear something if it's not an option to begin with!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Mon, 11-24-2008 - 11:50am

I too would take out the clothes that are not the right size or the right season. I like a pp way of saying "this is the last time you will be wearing that" for things that are not the right size that got missed in the purge.

My dd has a problem with pants and finds many of them to be too uncomfortable to keep on for long periods. We've compromised by having more leggings that she can wear under tunic tops and skirts or dresses when it is cool. I also have her check out the insides of pants and honestly tell me if she finds them comfortable. If she is iffy, I don't get them.

As frustrating as it is to have bought clothes that she won't wear has she been able to calmly explain to you what it is she doesn't like about the ones she is refusing to wear? Both of you would have to stay calm and she would have to say more than its the size. Sometimes clothes have seams in the wrong place or are lined so that they itch when you have them on for more than a short time. Both of those things could be solved on tops or dresses by simply wearing a light cotton t-shirt or camisole underneath. If its because the pants ride up or something else about the fit, you and she can take note and then next time you/she comes across a cute outfit that is cut that way you can remember that it doesn't wear well and move on. If its because she saw someone she doesn't like wearing the outfit or because someone made a comment on it. You both need to find another way to address her not wanting to wear the outfit any more.

And I'm going to repeat the advice giving that if you find a top or pants that she likes and will wear, get a few of them in different colors. Heck it might be worth it to get two in the same color, just so she isn't digging through the dirty clothes for a shirt.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2004
Wed, 12-03-2008 - 4:24pm
hello!! i have an 8 year old dd that she has to try on pants everytime and then i make her stand up and sit down repeatedly to make sure they fit. she has a pudgy belly-and if the pants dont fit right in the waist-she wont wear them. this year in august, i had to buy quite a few different sizes based on different maunfactuers styles. she isnt too concerned about the way she looks-unless someone makes a comment. today she wore her new santa hat. she was so proud of it. until a lil girl in her class laughed at her. now the santa hat is taboo. she used to like to wear overalls-until a lil boy called her a farmer. i dont make an issue about it. if shes not comfortable wearing a certain item, i dont make her wear it. but im more fussy than she is when it comes to small holes or stains on her clothes. she could care less-i will make her change her shirt/pants if i notice a stain. if i cant gt the stain out(and i will try everything before i give up)-it gets thrown away. this holds true for my youngest too. i just threw out a shirt today because of a stain. because they are lil stain magnets, i dont spend a lot of money on clothes for them. i shop mostly at walmart and target. or thrift stores. you would be surprised what you could find at thrift stores. i love shopping there-when i have the time to look through the clothes. i like walmart too. i found a lot of short shorts there than i didnt like (i thought they were too skimpy)but other than that-i usually find a lot of good stuff for cheap there. that way im not spending a fortune on a few outfits that theyre going to mess up within a few weeks or outgrow within a few months. one other thing i do is i go through their clothes when theyre at school. i donate the stuff that they outgrew, i throw out the messed up ones, etc. that way i dont have to hear "but thats my favorite!!" "you cant donate that-i still wear that!!!" what they dont know wont hurt them(or my ears for that matter-lol). good luck!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2004
Wed, 12-03-2008 - 4:33pm
Sometimes clothes have seams in the wrong place or are lined so that they itch when you have them on for more than a short time

you know those cute lil tops that everyone is wearing that have the seam right under the breasts and then billow out? i bought my dd 1 of those-and only 1. she liked about 3 of them. (same style, different design)im glad i only bought one-the seam is itchy. shes never worn the 1 she has for more than 5 minutes. it looks adorable on, but is very uncomfortable...
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Fri, 12-05-2008 - 12:20pm
I think something similar is up with Lindsay's refusal to wear most pants. I think after a while the waist starts to bug her.