dds "friend" is a brat- what to do?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2006
dds "friend" is a brat- what to do?
Thu, 07-17-2008 - 11:23am

hi all- I am new here, so let me start with saying it is nice to find a board for this age group! I am posting this on another board on ivillage that I belong to as well, so sorry if any of you read both and get the message twice.

as for the issue: we just moved to my hometown after years of searching for a house here. Right when we moved I introduced my oldest dd to one of the girls in the town who I didn't know well, but I know her mother pretty well and they are a super sweet family. So dd played with this girl a few times over two weeks and then one of the times dd called the girl, she was told that girl couldn't play today. and the next time she called, and the next, and the next. The excuses this girl uses are insane- very obvious she doesn't want to play with my dd. The girl is 1 year older than my dd, in case that matters.

Now I have since introduced my dd to other girls, her age, who she plays with wonderfully and gets along with great. Two in particular call often to have my dd come over. Yet she insists on calling the other girl every few days! She now wants to invite that girl to her bday party.

So now I am stuck: do I say something to my dd and point out that maybe "sara" doesn't want to play with her? do I just say nothing and let dd figure it out on her own? I just don't know what to do... I feel so bad for her. This other girl is a bit snarky and rude, so I am kind of glad that the friendship isn't attaching very well, though I feel bad for introducing the girls- but her mother is so sweet and nice, I assumed the girl would be the same way... ugh...


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Thu, 07-17-2008 - 1:42pm

Oh that is so hard. I feel sorry for your little girl that she is being faced with someone she likes her doesn't seem to feel the same way.

Is it possible for you guys to be just "too busy" for a period of time so that your daughter isn't focused on this one friend so much? Set up some park play dates, some days at the pool/lake, at the zoo, the musuem, CEC, etc. I wouldn't talk to her about them ahead of time, just in the morning say lets get going we have to leave in x number of minutes. If she asks to call her friend and invite her, then you don't have enough time for that or we're meeting so-and-so there and it would be rude to bring someone else and then move on. Just basically be matter-of-fact about not having time for her to call right now.

I think the age difference might be coming into why the older girl doesn't want to hang out with your dd as much. I and you know that one year is no big deal but it does seem to be one to some kids, especially some girls, especially right in that time between 10 and 17. And being the new girl in town/school isn't going to help your dd with some people either, until they have some time to figure out where she fits in. It might just take your dd not calling her all the time for this other little girl to warm up and start being nicer.

dawn200608.jpg picture by cariadlawn

Avatar for bradleyteach
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-29-2001
Thu, 07-17-2008 - 7:35pm

Hi Trishia.

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