Girls cliques

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Girls cliques
4
Thu, 03-27-2003 - 10:10am
Has anyone had experience with a daughter who has been rejected by those who used to be her friends? My daughter has grown up with two little girls (they are all 9 now)who have now decided that Haley is no longer welcome to play with them. It breaks my heart to see Haley run outside to play with them, and then see them turn and walk away leaving her standing alone. I don't understand why girls do this to each other! I have never experienced this kind of treatment. I was always lucky to have several good friends growing up. My daughter is so hurt, and says she doesn't understand why they don't call her anymore. I have told her to confront them, and ask them that very question. I hope I'm doing the right thing. I don't know how else to handle this. I've also suggested that she invite friends from school over, but she wants to play with these girls in our neighborhood. Any suggestions are welcome!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
In reply to: murnin
Thu, 03-27-2003 - 3:49pm
My 9 y.o. daughter has this as well. The friendships change a couple times a week and seeing her hurt is awful. We live in a small village and there are only about 6 girls to begin with. She does all the extra activity stuff with sports with the school but is confronted with the problems there as well, same kids. I signed her up for an aerobics class on thurs. eve for kids at my gym and she has an hour tennis lesson (4 child group) on Saturday morn. This way she has an outside experience from the school and town and a couple times a week when the times are bad, has the possibility of other children. They get through it. Amazing how the heart of a Mom can pain for her child, isn't it...
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: murnin
Fri, 03-28-2003 - 11:51am
Girls seem to be more likely to do this than boys. My 6 year old dd has 2 friends in our neighborhood, and 2 of the three are always leaving the third one out. This changes from day to day who is ignoring the other one. My ds has never run into this trouble. DD comes home everyday with stories of so and so wouldn't play with so and so, or she doesn't like so and so today, blah blah, blah. She has rarely been the one left out, so it is hard for me to explain why it hurts the other girls' feelings. I also find she and her friends are so much superficial at a younger age than ds and his friends. She knows every piece of clothing every girl in her school wears, and she and her friends will not play with the girls who do not dress the right way(BTW, they are in grade 1!). I know eventually dd will be the one left out, and then she might get some understanding of why I make sure when the kids are at our place, I invite both the other girls over, regardless of what she wants.

I do not have much advice, other than to suggest you maybe put her into an activity where she can make friends with other girls with the same interests. Or, if she is still interested in playing with Meghan, is it, You invite Meghan over. Out of curiousity, are there 3 girls involved in the clique? I remember my mom always saying 3 girls never get along, and I have found that to be the case.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-04-2003
In reply to: murnin
Sun, 04-06-2003 - 3:06am
Hi,

I just had this happen about 3 weeks ago with my daughter. Her friend just ditched her and started playing with another gitl. kaitlyn was so upset.I was so upset, it hurt to know that she did nothing asn was being treated ubfairly. Ialso had feelings come up from when I was a kid and I got rejected. I wanted to call this other girls mom and let loose. But in the end that would have just embarassed Kaitlyn and she would have had worse treatment. Amazing how early this stuff starts. She went and told her friend how she felt and her friend just told her I don't care. The next day Kate made plans to do something else with some other girls. The best thing for us was allowing her to cry and grieve. Turns out this girl came back and the two of them now have a deal. Kaitlyn plays with her afterschool at daycare and her friend plays with her other freind during school time.

I also can recommend a book called Odd Girl Out. It explains what is going on!

Good Luck

JEN

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2003
In reply to: murnin
Thu, 04-17-2003 - 2:18pm
Sorry this is a bit late. I can relate to an experience dd had last year in 2nd grade. Little girl in her Brownie troop comes with invites to a birthday party. She had 4 in her hand- there were about 12 in the whole troop. My dtr doesn't get an invite- her best friend did. This kid did it just b/c she knew it would annoy my dtr. Sad thing is- mom did NOTHING about it.

This poor little 8 yo was caught in the middle. She wanted to go- yet knew my dtr wasn't going and would be hurt. It worked out ok- my youngest wound up going to a party and I had to take dd with me anyways b/c dh wasn't around. I still wanted to strangle mom for not taking the time to see who her child was inviting in the first place- I know that my child wasn't the only one hurt.

Cheryl