New here, looking for advise

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-03-2006
New here, looking for advise
2
Mon, 12-29-2008 - 9:54am

Hi everyone, I'm glad to find the board and hope to get some advise on how others would handle some situations, as well as perhaps offering some btdts for others sometimes.


My child is 9 yrs old, she just turned 9 actually.


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Mon, 12-29-2008 - 12:36pm

Hi Xyro and welcome to the board.

We have always had an additional punishment for lying. It hit home for Philip when he lied about something that was silly and would not have gotten him in trouble. So he ended up losing a privilege over it.

Do you know why she is gorging on candy? Is it because she can't have it normally? I'm not really sure what to do about that other than getting rid of the candy or putting it up high. Both my kids like candy but like the idea of having it more so they tend to horde it and only occasionally have a piece. Which means I will find wrappers of candy I have forgotten we even had. Getting rid of it might not be possible and might result in her trying to sneak it more often. Personally I'd also be considering taken away her alarm clock and go back to waking her up in the morning.

A few things I've learned is to not ask questions about things I already know the answer to -- who made this mess when it was obviously one of the kids; have you brushed your teeth?; etc. What I do instead is tell them the mess needs to be picked up now. If they decide to try and assign blame they get an I don't care, you were both in the room playing so you both need to help clean it up. I'll tell them to go brush their teeth and if I think they are not doing it will remind them that they don't want cavities so go brush.

My son doesn't lie about his homework for a couple of reasons. One his teacher posts homework assignment on her class blog so it is easy for me to check and two he is going to be doing an hour of work each day (I assign work if he doesn't have any from school) so he might as well do what his teacher assigned. I started that because I noticed that if he had a small amount of homework to do each night whether we were in school or not he didn't fight having to do homework when he had to do it. It definitely helps that his teachers have consequences for lying and not turning in homework on time.

I'm sorry I don't think I'm much help because the lying I've had to deal with has been small and more on the "story" side even among his friends. By story I mean we'll hear things like "my uncle works for Nintendo and he designed this video game we are playing." when I know that isn't true. Those I tend to say "really? I'd love to meet him." and the story quickly changes to the truth -- oh my uncle really doesn't work there (sometimes any more is added) but he did tell me he thought this would be a good idea for a game once.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-03-2006
Mon, 12-29-2008 - 12:56pm

Hi Dawn, and thanks for the reply and ideas.