Hi there--I saw you also posted in the other thread that you checked out the ThinkKids website. I also would suggest you look at this message board: http://www.explosivekids.org/cgi-bin/dcforum/dcboard.cgi There are people there who will definitely know what you are going through. I also have an 8-year-old who is borderline. We have done therapy with him, which may have helped a teeny bit, but I think I was most helped by reading the Explosive Child book and doing the CPS model as much as possible.
I have a 12-year-old who is completely different, so I know what "normal" should be, and I also know that I raised them both the same way -- so I am coming to believe it is not my fault. This child does not respond as well to the typical reward/punishment kind of discipline that works for *most* kids, and he has a very hard time controlling his anger when he gets upset. It is important that as the parent you do not stoop to his level or get sucked into his anger, and sometimes you have to let some things slide that you normally would not -- ie., remain calm when he tries to get a rise out of you (I have had to ignore curse words); remove yourself or him from the situation until calm is restored before you address the behavior, and most importantly, get to the root of his anger and get him to talk about how he felt and why.
My son is getting much, much better, but it has been a long haul and we still go through bad phases--usually around transition periods, like when school started, he had a bad couple of weeks at home. Good luck finding some answers. I found that once I got a better understanding of my child, I felt a lot better about things.
Hi L. Post where you think it best fits.