Nine-yr old still having meltdowns

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-02-2007
Nine-yr old still having meltdowns
6
Tue, 12-04-2012 - 1:57am

My 9-yr old son is still having meltdowns and throwing tantrums when he doesn't get his way.  Should he still be acting this way?  He's an only child and in 4th grade.  He will be 10 in a few months.  He screams at me too.  He's a difficult child and very defiant, not to mention the backtalk and whining. I am at my wits end.  Homework is stressful.  Sometimes I pick my battles.  It seems like everyday I have a headache, and ready to send him off.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-12-2003
Tue, 12-04-2012 - 12:31pm

Mine does, but we have other issues. He does get social skills and coping skills in school as part of his IEP. He isn't difiant but he has a temper and he will meltdown a good majority of the time if things don't work out. Like I said he has other issues and part is he is very literal so if you say x will happen after lunch he expect right after he eats x will happen and he gets upset. We don't tolerate it at home. If he starts he has to go to his room until he can act properly. School worries me because he is getting older and he will still cry when he has these meltdowns. He is also ADHD and I do notice they are less when we medicate at home. The issues he has at school usually relate to his rigidness but at home it can vary. We do pick our battles too but its funny usually after the meltdown passes he will admit maybe half of the time he sees where he was wrong and we were right and how we could have avoided it all. He does have long days and I think some of it is he is just plan tired. Who doesn't get cranky when run down. Sometimes the ADHD can drive me nuts. DH doesn't like to medicate so we hadn't been on the weekends and sometimes he will get upset because we yell at him so much and he thinks we don't love him and that starts a meltdown, so also learning to try to pick up on some of queques as to what is behind the meltdowns and try to nip them before they start...

Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-02-2007
Wed, 12-05-2012 - 10:48pm
When you send him to his room does he stay there?
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-16-2012
Thu, 12-06-2012 - 11:57am

goddessmommy1 wrote:
When you send him to his room does he stay there?

My oldest daughter will but my youngest daughter does not! I have lierally had to sit with my back against the door to keep her in there. It becomes this huge power struggle :(

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-12-2003
Thu, 12-06-2012 - 12:31pm

yup and when he has calmed down he will ask to get out. he doesn't always go willingly at first but he goes. my youngest isn't there yet. I still do time outs with him and i get a work out getting him back on the step, but the older one is pretty good and i think the solitode gives him time to work it out. its a good thing he stays in the room because the door doesn't stay closed and it opens into the room :)

Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-02-2007
Fri, 12-07-2012 - 1:02am
Well mine doesn't. He doesn't listen at all. I'm thinking of putting an outside lock on his door so he can't get out until I let him.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-12-2003
Fri, 12-07-2012 - 12:41pm

my nephew is like that. My sister has to practically stand on top of him to do a time out. Luckily he is small for his age. My DS is almost as strong as me at 9. I'm in trouble if he starts resisting. I've known people who have resported to that. For us the only room we can lock is the mudroom or basement door and each has an exit but if they didn't think if he ever told anyone we locked him in either we'd get a visit from a state agency :)

Its tough. My nephew hits back and he never seems to reall cool off. With DS its a cool off issue. I can get him to blow off the steam away from me and come back with a clear head and he seems to get it. then again we often repeat but baby steps right...

Photobucket