Overwhelmed (this will be long)

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-28-2007
Overwhelmed (this will be long)
2
Wed, 04-11-2012 - 10:27am
I have 3 great children. All I ever wanted to do was be a stay at home mom. I had my daughter when I was 23. Having her was awesome she was a perfect baby and such a joy. I loved the baby stage and loved every milestone with her. It was truly a joyful time in my life.
When she was 6 months old I found out I was pregnant again (both of them conceived on the birth control pill). It didn't take away any of my joy with my daughter although I was nervous about having 2 babies 15 months apart.
My son was born 17 days early so they are only 14 months apart. And he was the total opposite of her, she was an angel he was a very fussy demanding baby. Very needy. I feel like his first almost 2 years are a blur in my life. She was happy and content and independent and he was a mommas boy and needed to be with me every second. It was frustrating at times but I felt that he just needed me more.
After my son my husband and I were not trying to prevent but not actively trying either. We wanted 3 children. I was breast feeding and like I said not trying to prevent. I got pregnant with 3rd when 2nd was 15 months old.
The third pregnancy was the hardest. I had still been nursing and 2nd still nursed every 2 hours around the clock and slept with us. I weaned him shortly after finding out I was pregnant but my body felt totally drained. And then I had horrible morning sickness. I was so I'll I lost wait up to 22 weeks. But I gave birth to a happy healthy almost 9 pounder. And this son was probably in the middle of the other 2, average baby. It still felt like a blur having 3 kids with the oldest being only 3 years old.

Fast forward to now. Sarah will be 9 in August, Jacob is 7.5 and Cain is 5.5. Their personalities have held pretty steady. Sarah is calm and mellow although she does have moments of excitability. She is sweet and nurturing. She loves to read and does great in school. Jacob is much more demanding, wants to be sure he is heard. He seems like a little grown up. He is a collector and decided he wants to play the harmonica. Cain is average. He doesn't want to be treated little. He has health problems and is in a special Ed preschool (problems are not cognitive).
I love each of them so much. But I still feel overwhelmed.
Sarah wants breaks from her brothers. Her and Jacob are very very close, the best of friends. They often exclude Cain. But Sarah does have times where she doesn't want to be around her brothers.
Jacob is still demanding but in different ways. He demands to be heard. He is bossy lol. And he wants everything to be a certain way. He is possessive. To be honest he is the most like me.
And Cain is sweet and easy going but because of his physical issues he gets teased even by his siblings and I feel overprotective of him.
And I feel overwhelmed even now even though we are past the baby stages.
When they fight with each other or say mean things to each other or they don't want to do chores or they don't want to do homework I feel like they run the show and I don't know what to do anymore.
I don't even know what else to write I feel like this is too long already.
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Avatar for cmlisab
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2011
Wed, 04-11-2012 - 1:42pm

First off, welcome- I'm glad you found us. Feel free to post and vent here anytime and don't worry about length. I often feel better after a big ol' vent. :smileyhappy:

I know this advice is given all the time but you need to find some time for youself. You mentioned one of your children "slept with us" so I'm going to assume you're married or in some kind of relationship (if not, I'm apologizing now, lol). Can your significant other watch them for awhile after he/she gets home from work while you get out of the house for a bit? I often would use grocery shopping as an excuse to get out alone for a bit. Do you have friends or other family members around who could help? If you have friends who have young kids as well, you could do a "babysitting/playdate" swap. At first I was hesistant to try this b/c I thought it would be just too chaotic with my friend's kids over as well but often times it was easier, b/c my kids were occupied and entertained with the other kids. And of course, having a completely silent house when it was my friend's turn to watch the kids made it soooo worth it.

I can empathize with you on the homework battles- I dread it every night!!! They whine, procrastinate, get distracted, etc....arrggghh!

Hang in there and please keep us updated!

Lisa

Avatar for melissamc
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2007
Wed, 04-11-2012 - 1:44pm

First off, big (((HUGS))), parenting can be so overwhelming at times. Don't apologize for the length of your post, sometimes you just need to get it all out. My boys are my almost 14 yo, 10 year old twins and the youngest is 8. I get so tired of the fighting between them, it just drives me up the wall some days, so I feel for you for having to deal with it also. I do have to say that dealing with them has gotten better as they get older because I have more free time and they aren't so dependent on me ;) It's gives me more of a chance to decompress. I still want to just scream in frustration though some days, they just can't seem to stop picking on each other.

I'm sorry that your youngest is being teased, that type of stuff just makes me so angry. If one of my boys is being teased by someone and the others don't stick up for him, I really get on them. They are brothers and need to act that way.

One thing I've found helpful, that we learned from a psychologist, is the Parenting with Love & Logic series. It just makes sense, and is pretty straightforward. Our psychologist taught us how to do an effective time-out, sad that parenting for 10 years hadn't taught us that yet :( He also had us start a simple rewards program that rewarded good behavior. Sometimes just having that outside view helps put everything into perspective. We aren't always the best at sticking to the game plan, but it has helped. What do you do when they are defiant?

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