Question about 8-yo behavior - long

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-10-2007
Question about 8-yo behavior - long
6
Mon, 11-10-2008 - 1:05pm

It's been a long time since I've had an 8-year old (10 years).

Avatar for bradleyteach
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-29-2001
Mon, 11-10-2008 - 6:02pm

Hi dfly-goddess,


When my kids were 8, they would not cry if they were told "no," they simply dealt with it. And if they knew what time an event started, they wouldn't keep pestering us.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Mon, 11-10-2008 - 6:46pm

I think he is telling his mother that he is bored, not having any fun when with his dad because he doesn't want to add to her "sadness" when he isn't there. That is a lie that I would have trouble punishing for. He is doing this to spare someone he sees as being in pain or sad that he isn't going to be with her and he does not want to add to that by telling her the fun things he did while with his dad. To me it shows he has a heart and compassion. He's letting himself have fun with his dad which adds to my impression that he is a good kid.

I think the playing each other to get more things is a normal part of growing up. It just doesn't work as well when the parents live in the same house and are able to catch on quicker. Add to that his parents probably feel guilty about the divorce so they are inclined to do things or give him things and you end up with a child who is use to being the center of attention and getting things. That is going to take time to change and for him to get used to how things will be from now on; even if it is only happening at one parent's house and not both.

I get a mixture of being upset or impatient when having to wait for something they want such as a movie starting, a party starting, etc. By upset in this case I mean being antsy and claiming to be bored. I don't play into it at all. My dd is my drama child and I tell her that she can chose to wait patiently or she can throw a fit but it isn't going to make time go by any faster. And the only thing likely to change if she threw a fit (I don't consider quiet tears throwing a fit even though they would be aggravating) is the chance that we might change our minds and we would not be doing that activity after all.

The kids have some say in what we do or where we go but they don't get to dictate everything. I don't force kids to eat food they don't want even when eating out. I may take away the dessert option if they have not eaten enough but it is their choice to eat or not. Dh would be a little put off if they ordered food and then refused to eat any of it but even he doesn't say anything other than that is what you ordered, eat it or forget about dessert. Then we pack it up and give it to them later when they are hungry.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-10-2007
Tue, 11-11-2008 - 11:25am

That's pretty much how I have raised my boys.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-10-2007
Tue, 11-11-2008 - 11:39am

Yes he is a good & compassionate kid, he's a lot

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Tue, 11-11-2008 - 10:03pm

That is bigger. It's one thing to tell a small lie to spare someone's feelings it is another to say someone isn't feeding you something when they did.

As a parent and babysitter I've handled lies by telling them that if they continue to lie to me that I will no longer be able to trust anything they say. So if they tell me it is raining I will have to check. If they tell me the sky is blue I am not taking their word for it. I'm not sure what I'd do if they were lying about me to someone else.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-10-2007
Wed, 11-12-2008 - 12:08pm

Yea it's been a little tough on what he tells her vs what reality is.