Son talks with attitude and talks back

Avatar for sunset5000
Community Leader
Registered: 10-10-2007
Son talks with attitude and talks back
6
Thu, 11-29-2012 - 9:01am
My 8 year old son is in second grade. Shortly after this school year started, I noticed that they way he talk to people has changed. He has been taught manners, has always said please and thank you and has been a delightful child. Each day now, he comes home from school and when I greet him and ask how his day was, he has a negative attitude like tone in his voice. Example: when he asks "what?" it sounds like, "wwwhhhhaaaatttt do you want?" (dirty look on his face). A few months ago, he talked more. Now, he just answers our questions with this tone. When he talked more and had attitude, I explained to him that I felt he was talking rude in tone and gave him example of how to talk nicely. He would say something rude tone to me, then I would do the role playing technique and ask him to please repeat what he just said in a nicer tone. He would take a few times, but then by the third or so try, he would talk nicely. So, I believe he understands what he is doing. I explained that I will not allow him to talk back to me, nor talk rude to others. He now gets this angry look and says, "all the kids at school talk like that all the time and their parents don't care." I again explained calmly that I as his parent am telling him that he is to talk respectfully to his parents as well as others. I hope I explained this and it makes sense? I have a book called, "Dude, That's Rude" we read some of it before, but I think I need to read it with him again. But, he complains, gives mean looks, tells me he doesn't care about the stupid book. I really am trying to be a good mom and raise him well. I don't know what to do? Thanks for taking the time to read.

Avatar for melissamc
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2007
Thu, 11-29-2012 - 3:21pm

I hate it when they have attitude!! Have you tried either giving him a punishment when he is rude or make sure to praise him when he talks with a respectful tone? It sounds like he's starting to flex his independence muscles, but it doesn't make his behavior okay. I have a friend that will make her son do push ups whenever he talks to her with a nasty tone. Might be worth a try!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Thu, 11-29-2012 - 10:45pm

How is he doing in school?  Is it possible that he doesn't like school & is very frustrated and doesn't know how to express himself and then he comes home & you ask him how school was and he's ready to have a meltdown?  It's like when kids are little & you pick them up at daycare and the daycare teacher says they were fine all day and then they get home & act like monsters because it's safe to act out at home.  He can't sass the teacher so you get the fun times.  I would try not asking him how school was for a little while--when he comes home, just give him a snack, play a game or do something to relax--try that experiment & see if his attitude changes at all.  Boys especially at that age have trouble sitting down for a long school day & sometimes need some kind of physical activity.

I also wouldn't make such a big deal about "attitude" all the time.  I would say that he can't use bad words, can't say mean things to you or others, etc. but sometimes it's good to pretend that you don't hear the tone of voice--that will serve you well when he becomes a teenager.  lol

Avatar for sunset5000
Community Leader
Registered: 10-10-2007
Fri, 11-30-2012 - 1:51pm
Thank you both for the wonderful replies! Honestly, I was half expecting someone would post that I was not a good parent or I must be causing this. All the ideas are great and I am going to try them tonight!! Did the push up idea work or did you just think of it? I think that may work because I think he has bult up energy from sitting all day in school and he does seem annoyed when talking. Maybe having him do push ups will get the frustration out and also act as a reminder to think before he talks or to change his tone. I agree, I will stop asking him how his day was. And, the past 2 years he loved his teacher and loved school. This year, last week while getting ready in the morning, he told me he hates school. So, again I agree with both of you of what may be occuring when he gets home from school. Oh, he does do well in school, all A's. I see now that me bringing up his tone of voice each time may be reinforcing him to continue talking like that. Thanks for the great advice! I will definetly come back next week and let you know what is going on :)

Avatar for sunset5000
Community Leader
Registered: 10-10-2007
Sun, 12-23-2012 - 3:42pm

I mentioned I would come back to follow-up on my post about my son talking with a attitude, etc.  I have great news to share!! Smile

I decided to go online and print out kid friendly definitions of the words:  attitude and hostile.  I then made a few short sentences using each of these words, so he understands more what they mean.  I kept it simple.  I had him write out both words with each ones definition and then write out the example sentences.  I AM SO PROUD TO SAY IT WORKED!!!!  I am just so happy I found a way to get him to understand the way he was talking.  He was proud to show me his completed work, had a smile on his face and then asked me nicely what I want for Christmas (grin).  I told him I would love for him to try to remember these words and to talk nice to everyone.  I also said I would love a hug for Christmas and that would be the best Christmas gift he could give. ♥

He is now talking nice and playing with his little sister.

Just had to share that I often feel like I am not doing a good job parenting, but now, I feel I did something good and right!!

Thanks for all the support on here.  I am sure this will be a on going way of teaching him, but I am a proud mommy!! Laughing

 

 

Avatar for melissamc
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2007
Tue, 12-25-2012 - 3:39pm
It worked for her, and something I want to try with my boys. Let us know how it's going!

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Avatar for melissamc
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2007
Tue, 12-25-2012 - 3:41pm
That's awesome that he's recognizing how his behavior came across! I hope that he continues to play nice and learns from the experience.

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