When to seek counseling

Avatar for colomom99
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
When to seek counseling
Thu, 12-11-2008 - 9:51am

I have posted a couple times recently about my 8- soon to be 9-year old daughter. Her behavior is getting worse and worse (or at least I think so). There are constant battles over eveything. I try very hard not to engage but I am sick to death of all of her tears and tantrums. I know she doesn't behave this way at school.

The latest is her birthday party. It is now only two days away and I haven't sent out invitations or called paretns because she wants a sleepover which is fine. A couple days ago she started talking about having kids come in the morning, stayy all day and then all night. I said absolutely not. My husband wanted to compromise with her which she would not hear of. She keeps trying to negotiate a time by half hour intervals with crying fits in between. I have no idea what is going on but I am standing firm. I told her the choices were having her friends come at 2 or 5 or not at all. I told her that a party is a privledge and we don't have to have a party at all. This goes on about everything. After reading this board I have been trying set firm limits and boundaries with consequences. My husband is not completely on the same page. He tends to ignore her bad behavior (leaving me to deal with it) or blow up.

Since this has been ongoing for years -- we had a little respite about a year ago -- and she used to have horrid tantrums when she was younger, I am wondering at what point do we see a therapist? My guess is she has a lot of anxiety and control isses. But it is wrecking the peace of our house. help.


iVillage Member
Registered: 06-25-2005
Thu, 12-11-2008 - 2:49pm

I think the sooner you get counseling the better. The longer before you get counseling, the more entrenched the behaviors become.

If you suspect anxiety and/or control issues, you may also want to get your dd evaluated by a developmental pediatrician to see if there's something causing her to be so much more volatile than other children. Write down a list of symptoms you see in your child and ask your pediatrician to review it to see if they have any concerns.

You might also look at the book (I borrowed one from the local library) "The Explosive Child," by Dr Ross Greene to see if there's anything beneficial for you in it. I found it helpful with my children.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2007
Tue, 12-16-2008 - 1:36pm

we are having a similar situation at our house w/my 8 yr old SS.. He's a great, smart kid, but lately, he ' s just not caring about certain things and if he gets consequences.. he use to have major temper tantrums when he was younger which have gotten better over the last few years w/ more boundaries, being firmer and not reacting to him and just saying to to your room.. the less we "react" the more I see him calming down faster. he definitely has anger and control issues and most recently i thougth maybe some anxiety in there.. I am not sure if there is a chemical issue or medical issue and i don't dare say that to my husband at this moment. his BM was to get therapy a while ago for him w/ some issues we had and she never followed through . it seems when he acts out she says she going to get help then it calms for a while and nothing is done. to me be proactive see what a dr or therapist says then go from there.

but anyways lately he just does whatever he wants to.. e.g.- homework, he's not paying attention in school, not bringing his assignments home, failing some tests, even tho he studies. forgets to hand in assignments etc. so much that he got grounded. after that he and another child were arguing, and teh other child got in trouble.