Any advice?
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Any advice?
| Thu, 11-05-2009 - 11:43am |
Not sure where to place this on which board I mean, I'm getting married and my future husband has a daughter in first grade from his first marriage, and I want to make the change for her as easy as possible on her. I know I can't replace her biological mom but, at same time I am going to be living with her and I feel responsible to take care of her. I just want this to be a good situation for her.
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http://parenting.ivillage.com/mom/structure/0,,42q0,00.html
http://parenting.ivillage.com/mom/structure/0,,46jn,00.htmlI hope these articles can help you make an easy transition.
Welcome to the board. I think the first thing you need to do is talk to your SO and ask him what he expects your role to be. Does his DD still see her mom? What is her relationship like with her dad? After you talk to your SO about what he expectations are, I would suggest having your SO talk to her about you moving in with them and getting married before it happens (if he hasn't already). Then, once that's done, I would suggest you and her sitting down and talking together about things.
Stephanie: Board home Poet's Workshop. Writer of stories, and poetry.
"Don't dream its over"
Stephanie: Board home Poet's Workshop. Writer of stories, and poetry.
"Don't dream its over"
It sounds like a tight spot. My son's dad and I divorced when our son was a baby and he hasn't been a part of my son's life at all. I got remarried last year (DS was 6). My DH is planning to adopt my son and has completely taken the role of being his father.
I know there is a board on iVillage for Stepfamilies and stepparents. I'll try to find a link for you.
Stephanie: Board home Poet's Workshop. Writer of stories, and poetry.
"Don't dream its over"
It sounds like you have her best interest at heart. It seems like the best thing you can do right now is be a friend for her. Maybe have an aunt type relationship for now and see how things develop. I would definintely talk to your SO about what he expects from you in regards to her. Good luck!
Hi - I am chiming in a bit late but I just found this board. I am not a step mom, but I do have one, and step-siblings from my step-father.
If you can, see if you can find a parenting class to take with your soon to be husband. It will help you to understand kids and what parents are going through, and will also help you and your soon to be husband agree on how to parent. If there is one were kids can be involved, that would be great too. (Doesn't sound like there is much chance of the mom coming, but it would be nice to have consistency across both households!)
Do sit down with your husband and ask him what he expects from you and from his daughter. It may be that he wants you to leave all discipline to him. He should expect that his daughter treat you politely and with respect. Especially at first, disapline should come more from him than you, but he should also back you up.
Establish a routine as best you can. Always speak nicely about her mother (and father.) Save discussions of birth mom for when she is out of hearing. Get input within reason of things that she would like - time to get up on weekends, snacks, story time before bed...but, do not allow her to play you off of her dad - if her dad has a rule, stick to it and tell her she can discuss it with her dad when he is home.
Good luck with everything! Sometimes stepparenting can be very challenging when the two parents fight about everything, or if the non-custodial parent badmouths you and the dad. (My step-sister's mother was that way.) My mom and stepsister did not get along well when my sister was younger, but now that she is an adult, she spends more time over at my moms and step-dad's house than at her mom's because she has caught on to the negative and doesn't want her kids exposed. My step-brother preferred to be with my mom and had a great relationship with her. It sounds like you have the right mindset for a great relationship.
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