My son cries daily

Avatar for sunset5000
Community Leader
Registered: 10-10-2007
My son cries daily
11
Mon, 09-10-2012 - 10:26am

I am wondering if anyone else has experienced what I am experiencing.

My son started 2nd grade in August.  For the past 2 years, since kindergarten, he loved school!!  He is a smart boy and gets excellent grades.  Ever since the first week of school this year, when I walk him to the bus stop, he cries and tells me, "I am going to miss you Mommy."  I always hug him, tell him I love him, comfort him and tell him to have a good day and I will see him at 2:15pm.  He tells me "ok" and gets on the bus.  One day, he missed the bus and I had to take him to school and sign him in late and walk him to his class.  He stood outside his classroom door just crying, telling me to wait, not to go in yet until he stops crying.

He did not cry in kindergarten, nor 1st grade that I know of.

He does have ADHD and "had" been on medication for that for the past several years.  He does not take medication during summer break (recommended by the doctor) in order for him to gain weight and not build up a tolerance to the medication.  He was fine all summer, so we are trying this school year without any medication and he is doing great, except the crying.

Any ideas?  I am wondering if maybe the medication for the ADHD numbed his emotions the past 2 school years and now that he is not on medication, he is actually "feeling"  what most children would feel in kindergarten?

Your opinions would be appreciated and thanks for reading.

 

 

Avatar for sunset5000
Community Leader
Registered: 10-10-2007
Sun, 09-16-2012 - 11:19pm

He is in the same school with the same group of children.

It is in the morning that he cries when we leave the house.

I have talked to him and he said everything is fine at school.

Maybe this is a phase?

We shall see how this next week goes.

Thank you all for your imput :smileyhappy:

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-12-2003
Fri, 09-14-2012 - 6:55am

 My DS is 9 and also ADHD. He has been on meds for 2 years. We take summers off for similar issues but I we do start back up for school. DS is a crier. It started in kindy, but it was mostly around going to his afterschool. He has always been senstitive and gets that from me. He is also very literal and has issues when things fall off track, so if teacher says x will happen and it doesn't he gets fustrated and that can sometimes bring on tears. His teachers have been good with redirection. I was a crier as a child too but its so different for a boy. DS also has anxiety issues and I think that plays into the crying because thats how panic can come on in me. If I have a panic attack I cry.

Is the crying just over you leaving him in the morning? YOu mention he thinks the teacher and kids don't like him, is he in same school same group of kids? Has he ever been picked on? That last one is an issue for DS because of other things and it can have affect his emotiional reaction to things.

Its hard i wish there was an easy answer but we've been dealing with these things since he started school and he was in full time day care before that. If he was with you all summer it could just be adjustment and may just be a phase. DS sees the school counclor as part of his IEP and that helps, she gives him cooping technics.

As for emotions on meds, he is a different child more mellow especially when we first go back on but haven't notcue if we cry more or less

Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-26-2008
Fri, 09-14-2012 - 12:18am

If you just started him on the medication this year, I'd say it might be the meds.  You may just talk to your doctor.  It may very well be a death thing - could there have been a death in the family recently?  Maybe even a pet or relative?  My son was very sad for awhile after my grandmother died because he started seeing death as a "getting old" thing and didn't want me or other family members to die. 

My first instinct is that if he JUST started acting this way out of the blue is something is going on emotionally with him.  If other alternatives are ruled out, however, I would say discuss with him calmly and rationally.  My son had a very short-term problem with a kid being a bully with him.  I had to sit there and practically pry it out of him because he wouldn't talk about it initially but he did tell me finally.  I think the important thing is to tell him that he will 100% never get in trouble for telling you the truth if something is bothering him and if someone is bothering you at school you will make it stop and the only way, if something is happening to him, you will know how to make it stop is to know what's happening.  He has nothing to be worried or embarrassed about.  Tell him if there IS something going on at school, he can tell you and it doesn't have to continue if he tells you. 

If he says there's nothing going on at school, asking him if there's something else bothering him, if that's why he's getting upset.  I think it's more about sitting with your child, talking to them earnestly and calmly and telling them that you'll do whatever needs to be done to help him.

Community Leader
Registered: 10-22-2001
Thu, 09-13-2012 - 8:20pm

?

Nightangel
Community Leader
Registered: 10-22-2001
Thu, 09-13-2012 - 4:38pm

~hugs~

My ds had some problems in school so did my dd...;(

His was early on but hers didn't really get bad until later.

Both have "Anxiety"...

Is there any chance something has changed, is he being bullied?

My sister has had a problem with this with my youngest nephew.

My ds didn't do too bad younger grades like jk and sk. In grade one and then grade two he began to have some problems.

I wonder if there is a problem on his bus or in his class-room?

Do you think he might be worried about you?

Kids are sensitive.

Maybe talk to the teacher and the Principal.

Even his old grade one teacher.

Check with the bus driver, do they have bus monitors, maybe something is going on everybody needs to be aware of.

My ds was teased and I know my nephew has been bullied.

It wasn't until Grade 10 my dd has so many problems and it wasn't just the other students, she had one teacher who was a bully and a woman.

Nightangel
Avatar for sunset5000
Community Leader
Registered: 10-10-2007
Wed, 09-12-2012 - 10:01pm

Thank you to each of you for taking time to respond to my post.

My husband (his dad) and I went to the parent teacher conference yesterday.  She said he is doing very well and getting excellent grades.  She mentioned putting him in a advanced reading class with some other boys and that sounds good.  Asked her about the crying at school, she said he did it a few times during class and he would say he misses his mommy, but stopped crying when she gave him a tissue.

I did tell her that Andrew told me that he doesn't think that the kids in his class or her (teacher) like him.  She looked sad and confused and said she would not have thought that, he gets along with all his classmates.  So, I don't know.

My husband got up today and got him ready for school and before he left, he came and woke me up to hug me and had tears saying again that he will miss me.

I don't think it is that he thinks I am dying (or I hope not).  He has not mentioned that.  As someone mentioned, maybe this is just "another phase" of childhood. 

Thanks for all the imput.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-16-2012
Wed, 09-12-2012 - 12:10pm

Unfortunately, I don't have any great advice either but I wanted to let you know that you're not alone. One of my DD's has been doing this as well- the only difference is she's having her "meltdown" in the middle of the school day. We also have NO idea why- she's bright, getting good grades, says she has friends to place with at school. I just wish I knew what was wrong so I could try to help!

I just keep hoping that "this too shall pass". Hopefully soon!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2005
Tue, 09-11-2012 - 2:22pm

I don't have any brilliant advice, but your post struck SUCH a nerve with me. Last night, I was reading my dd19's essay for "Teach for America" (she is currently a senior in college). This is how it started:

It was my first day of second grade - a new school, a new state, and a new family. My mom and stepfather had moved to the Midwest for a job, while my biological father and his new family stayed behind in Boston. Standing at the classroom entrance, I felt a sudden, choking fear of abandonment. I started sobbing uncontrollably, a pattern that repeated for weeks each time my mother left. I can’t imagine I was the type of student for which any teacher hopes. However, Mrs. XXX didn’t yell, and she didn’t give up. Each day she greeted me warmly and calmly, seemingly unperturbed by my continued weeping. Each day she gently encouraged me to make the walk to her door alone, but she never expressed disappointment when I again arrived clinging to my mother and crying. She persevered for nearly two months, until one day I was ready, and her proud smile as I tentatively walked in that day is still a favorite memory.

Dd19 has always been the happiest, most emotionally stable of all my kids. I can honestly say that we never had a fight through her teenage years. And yet.... I have to tell you, I was pretty stressed out (she doesn't mention that I found out I was pregnant that August, while we were waiting to move into our new house the day before school started). She also doesn't mention (hey, she only had 500 words) that for a while, every Friday I took her out for coffee before school. We would drop her sister off for orchestra practice and she and I would head out to Starbucks to sit and have hot cocoa and try to cheer her up. I was so desperate I would have tried anything.

I have no idea what it was. I still really don't. Obviously, she had huge stressors in her life with the move, new school, new baby, etc, but this was crazy. I truly thought I'd have to homeschool. The teacher, a wonderful, kind but firm veteran of many, many years, said that she had seen it not infrequently in second grade. I often thought about the whole "age of reason" thing at age 7 and wondered if the kids are just old enough at that age to truly understand separation or the bad things that can happen.

I still can't explain it. She was a loved, happy, healthy kid. She was close to her stepfather (who later adopted her when her dad died and to whom she is still really close). She loved our new home in the burbs instead of a 2-flat in Boston with a postage-stamp yard. She loved the school and the neighborhood kids... and yet.... she cried every day for months. Honestly, it may have gone on for more than two months but she either doesn't completely remember or doesn't want to sound like a nut case, lol!

She says that she can still remember the despair and fear that she felt, and even then she knew it was illogical, but it was overwhelming.

Hopefully this didn't just depress you, but my main message is that she got over it and she is now, and has for many years been, doing wonderfully! 

Hang in there. Believe me, I know how stressful it is. Not infrequently I would go home and cry. :smileysad:

Theresa

Avatar for sunset5000
Community Leader
Registered: 10-10-2007
Mon, 09-10-2012 - 1:46pm

Hi Kristy,

Thank you for taking your time to reply to my post.

It is interesting that you mentioned that your son seems more emotional on the medication.  I also noticed my son being more emotional in the evenings last year when the medication would wear off for the day.  It was like he was depressed.  Myself and DH struggled (and still do) wheither or not to have him on ADHD medication or not.  (I know there is another board for this topic).  His last day of 1st grade last year, the school had a party and we went.  I normally do not seem him on medication as the dr. suggested not to give it to him on weekends or the summer.  At school that day, he was like a robot!!  No smile, no emotion.  I did not like that, so seeing him that way, helped us make the decission to try no meds this school year.

I don't know if he is having trouble with friends foresure.  He did tell me one day that no one likes him.  Tried to talk with him about this, but he didn't want to talk.  Last year, he said he was friends with everyone in his class.

One more thing, he did say the other day that his teacher is crabby.  I met her, she seems nice, so I do not know.  We have parent/teacher conference tomorrow, so maybe I will find out more info.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2008
Mon, 09-10-2012 - 12:34pm
Hi Heidi,

It can be so hard seeing your little guy so upset! My middle son has ADHD as well but he does take medication for school. He is much more emotional on the medication than he is off, but I know that this differs with every child. Could he be having some trouble with friends? Or, I'm wondering if maybe he's feeling a little overwhelmed and is having a hard time keeping up with everything? Just a few things to think about... I know it is so hard to see them so upset. Hang in there, mama!