I am a mom of three kids one daughter and two boys.
I have an 8 (almost 9) year old boy and a 21 year old son as well.
Sounds like you need someone older and wiser to help you get a handle on what might be solved with just some minor tweaking. I have four kids but they are older now and my youngest is 11.
You sound overwhelmed. So what you have to decide is just how big a problem this is. Are you just going through a rough phase or do you lack some parenting skills that someone could help you with.
Like when I watch Nanny 911 I have to say, it's just fantastic to see her come in and do wonders with helping the family solve issues that left alone might have spelled disaster for both the parents and the kids.
But sadly, she's not coming to your home right? So take a look at your circle of friends and family. Is there someone who you respect that will take sympathy on you and come with real world suggestions and help? If not, maybe a good family child/therapist can help. The last thing you want to do is let this break down your marriage.
And then again, maybe your more than capable of handling this yourself, with a little tweaking from your DH. He needs to parent those boys to respect him, that will help a ton.