13 yr olds first relaltionship

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-15-2006
13 yr olds first relaltionship
6
Tue, 10-10-2006 - 10:02am
My 13 yr dd is currently in her first relationship. They have been seeing each other for almost 10 months now. My dh and I would really like things to end. We just feel that 10 months is way too long and it seems that the young man has lost interest in my daughter. He seems more interested in some of her friends, which my daughter doesn't see. I would never come right out and tell my daughter that she should end things but I think it's time. What's a parent to do? Should I just stay out of it and hold my breath? I don't want to tell her what to do, I want her to make that decision, but how can I achieve that without being an over involved parent?......HELP!!!
Suzanne
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2000
Tue, 10-10-2006 - 10:23am

Often if you try to forbid a relationship it will back fire.

Pam
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 10-10-2006 - 10:26am

Relationships at that age vary so much

Can you elaborate more on what theirs has been like? Is it mostly school based? Do they date one on one or in groups?

In general, though, I think its human nature to become defensive when one you care about is criticized. I could criticize my parents, for example, but heaven help DH if he said ANYTHING(including things I myself had said)

So you do have to be careful about making her want him more by criticizing or saying no

But there might be more subtle ways to tone things down....thats why it would help to know how often they are together, etc

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2006
Tue, 10-10-2006 - 10:37am

Hi!

You said "... it seems that the young man has lost interest in my daughter." To me, that sounds like the relationship is on the verge of a natural ending as it is. In that case, I would not interfere in any obvious way. Like it's been said on this board before, teen relationships do not usually last long anyway. Hopefully, your dd will not be too heartbroken when this happens.

BTW, my response assumes that nothing too "heavy" was going on, and that they were just hanging out at school, talking on the phone, and other things like that. If so, then yes, I would hold my breath and be supportive while the relationship runs its course.

Hugs,
Amelia

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-15-2006
Tue, 10-10-2006 - 10:40am

I guess that I should have been more specific about the type of relationship. It's really funny that I even use the word relationship because apart from school activities they hardly ever see each other. They don't even talk on the phone. They have been on a few group "dates" to the movies but it is very rare. (Maybe four times in 10 months) Usually on these activities they have been the only couple and the rest of the kids were either friends of hers or friends of his.

I would never tell her to move on, I know that would just make her want him more. He is a very nice boy, I just think that 10 months is way too long. I wish I could find the words to push things along without it being obvious.

Suzanne
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 10-10-2006 - 11:08am

Perhaps she just likes the idea of having a BF? It doesnt sound like it changes too much of her activities and decisions

Is there something you feel she is missing because of this?

2 of my 3 were/are late bloomers so Im not the best person to talk about teen dating, but I dont think anything we think of as 'dating' gets popular until late freshman/sophomore year which is typically 15ish???

So, if she stays with this scenario, I dont know that she is missing anything. Of course, you dont want her to be hurt-I suspect that never changes though :(

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-15-2006
Tue, 10-10-2006 - 12:36pm

First of all I want to thank everyone for responding to my post...I feel better already!

Windrush54, you have a good point...my dd isn't missing out on anything. That's what I really need to focus on. I don't think that this relationship has hurt her, I think it has been a positive experience for her. That being said I think that I would like things to end nicely so that it is something she can look back on and be happy. I don't know...I guess I will just stay out of it and let things happens as they may.

Suzanne