14 year old boy and his hormones?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-04-2007
14 year old boy and his hormones?
15
Tue, 09-04-2007 - 2:36pm

My son is 14 and we are having cell phone issues. Other than the usual issues that he is on it all the time and igonores the rest of the family. He has been caught texting dirty messages to various girlfriends and was grounded. (Didn't learn lesson) Was caught asking a girl to BE WITH him. grounded another week. (Didn't learn lesson) Now he has been caught asking a girlfriend to send him a picture in her bra and panties, looks like she sent one in swim suit. (obviously didn't learn lesson) None of which were the same girl and none of the girls seemed to be offended by the questions he asked.

My husband wants be to get rid of texting totally, but I feel that this is the only way teens make conversation now day. Am I totally taking away his life if he can't text or am I just being a push over.

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-13-2007
Tue, 09-04-2007 - 3:29pm
You are the parents so you make the rules according to what your values are, and you let your son know the consequences for breaking the rules. Let your son decide if breaking the rules are worth the consequences, ie: losing his text priveledges or his cell phone all together. Short story....a friend of mine always had a rule with her son that if he was ever caught drinking she would take his car away from him and sell it. He came home drunk one night when he was 17 (he wasn't driving btw) anyway she asked him if he'd been drinking he said yes, and he proceded to hand her the keys to the car and said I know the rules. He didn't have another car till he finished college. My point is that this is a good example of clearly defined rules and clearly defined consequences. Good luck. Barb
Mom to Allsion 4/11/90 and Jenny 3/6/92
Avatar for coldfingers
Community Leader
Registered: 04-30-2000
Tue, 09-04-2007 - 3:43pm

First off, I am going to ask you a 'dumb' and hopefully an obvious question....

Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-22-2003
Tue, 09-04-2007 - 3:45pm

In my opinion, a child does not "need" a cell phone until he/she is driving and has a job. For some reason I have such strong feelings about parents who are letting their children have cell phones at such an early age. True, everyone seems to have one but that doesn't mean it's the right thing to do. Cell phones are very costly to a family and, in your son's case, can lead to very harmful behavior. My children did not receive cell phones until their 16th birthday. They either used a phone at their school (I was a PTA president and I know that phones are always available to students), after school functions on school property, sports functions on school property, or if I felt they needed to contact me and they weren't near a phone or away from school activities, I would give them my cell phone and told them to call me at work or home in case of an emergency. We were always able to communicate with each other one way or another before the purchase of their cell phones.

I feel your son has totally abused his priviledges and his behavior needs to be monitored and controlled until he understands that his behavior can have consequences. You've given him plenty of chances, now he needs to earn his right to keep a cell phone.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-04-2007
Tue, 09-04-2007 - 3:52pm
Thank you I guess I know what I need to do. It just seems like taking his cell phone away punishes me more then him because I can't even get ahold of him or find him after football. But I think I will call and take away his texting privledges.
Avatar for coldfingers
Community Leader
Registered: 04-30-2000
Tue, 09-04-2007 - 4:04pm

That is the key!!!

Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2000
Tue, 09-04-2007 - 4:07pm
Sounds like you've given your ds more than enough chances and warnings.
Pam
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-22-2003
Tue, 09-04-2007 - 4:10pm
Just be very careful that he doesn't go over his minutes in return. This can be very costly. He can still exhibit bad phone behavior by leaving inappropriate messages on other's cell phones.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-04-2007
Tue, 09-04-2007 - 4:31pm
Thank you, I just got off the phone with ATT I took off text and picture mail and so now he just has a phone. It is nice to talk to some one with the same views. We also live 20 min from school and with him in sports I don't know if he has walked from the field house back to the school (about 3 blocks) to watch the vollyball game or caught a ride with a friend from football practice to baseball practice. Or forgot his, he forgets everything. It's hard to keep up with them.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-04-2007
Tue, 09-04-2007 - 4:42pm
Yes, I actually told hims everytime that I had read the messages and that they were not appropriate. I'm not real good at the sex talk so the best I got out was that he was not ready and these girls were not ready and that he should not be pressuring them into doing any of these things. But I'm starting to figure out that this is all that he thinks about.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-14-2006
Tue, 09-04-2007 - 4:48pm

Haven't read the other posts yet, but IMHO you need to set some clear rules for cell use and then enforce them. I'd take away texting and photo features - I know it's boring phone that only *makes phone calls* LOL - but if he abuses the functions, he doesn't deserve them. Whether or not a kid *needs* a cell depends on the situation and family. But how they use or abuse it is up to you.

BTW, in a teenager's opinion, "taking away his life" is your main job LOL. Don't worry that he'll be "mad" - be firm and set some clear boundaries.

Sue

Pages