14-year-old does not like girls yet
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14-year-old does not like girls yet
| Mon, 11-27-2006 - 4:42am |
I have a 14-year-old boy who still does not like girls yet, or he is not telling us about it. Every time we ask him about it (if he likes a girl or has even talked to a girl), he goes mute. He is a very good-looking boy and likes all the boy stuff--wrestling, football, etc. More than once, a girl has tried to talk to him or say hi, and he just ignored them altogether! I know his dad started liking girls (too much) at a VERY early age. My son is very intelligent, and I am thinking maybe this has something to do with it (maybe not?). His dad tried to have a sex talk with him, but it embarrassed him to tears, so his dad had to stop the talk (I guess--I was not there--his dad told me about it). Should I be concerned--will he ever like girls?

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At the risk of sounding like I'm treating your question too lightly - count your blessings!!
All 3 of my boys were late in this department and it truly is a blessing! The 3rd just turned 15 and Im not even blinking, having been down the road twice already.
DS1 didnt date until he was out of high school but he now lives with his GF. DS2 is my most outgoing and joined in high school activities yet he pretty much only hung with groups until late junior year-even then it was like one or two dates per girl. He was adamant that he didnt want the relationship drama he saw in the halls ;)
Hes in college now and has a steady GF-a year older BTW
I think some are put off by the high school drama and decide to steer clear of the opposite sex to avoid that(especially if theyre shy-shy people live to NOT be noticed)
I think my side of the family is just genetically wired for those things to kick in a bit later. Myself,my brother, my nephews-heck my parents married at 25 and 26 back in the day when that was ANCIENT for marriage
Its been hard on DH who began early and assumed his sons would follow in his foot steps but hes relaxing now that he has seen the GFs in place!
DS14 is a freshman and is having a rough go of it this year (never had C's; has 3 C+s and a C at the moment due to testing issues he's had; in MS they had plenty of homework that counted for more to keep those at A or B level; now in HS tests/quizzes count for more) - HS is proving much more difficult for him than MS was (and he's g/t). He liked girls in MS but never 'did anything about it' other than briefly say hi at school. He's now so buried in schoolwork that he has no time; I think he has his priorities straight and am not concerned in the least. I never dated at 14 either; I want him to be comfortable with the idea and with a girl as a friend before he even considers dating; I likely wouldn't permit one on one for another couple of years anyway. (He has gone to the movies with friends over the past summer and one girl tagged along; that was fine)
Sue
My 16 yo DS still hasn't shown any interest in dating; my 14 yo DS thinks that girls are a distraction. The 16 yo certainly "appreciates" girls, but as he says, with his schedule, when would he even have time to devote to a girlfriend?
I wouldn't worry about it; I'd be thankful.
Elizabeth
Mom to a girl jumping in to say that what you (and others) have posted is what I've tried to explain to my DD15 for a few years now - many boys are just not ready to be interested in girls at the time when the girls start to be interested. In Middle School, she had a boyfriend for a few months, and my DH actually said "what self-respecting 13 or 14 year old boy cares about girls, I certainly didn't" and was suspicious of the boys who did show an early interest.
My DD and her gf's are all boyfriend-less right now - they say they want BFs, but none of the boys is really acting on it - they might be fun to hang with, or be flirty, but nothing more. There's one boy with whom she has a weekly "cookie date" lol, but when I ask about him she says "Mom! it's just M!" as if having him as a bf would be out of the question.
HTH
Sue
Sorry M is having a hard time in HS!
Have you looked into accomodations for testing? I would worry about ACTs down the road. Ideally, we want them to have both grades and scores but, if not, lets get one in there!
I know what a bright kid he is.
Also, Id be looking at colleges that cater to his strengths.
DS2 is at SIU-E and they are very test based; virtually no assignments; DS2 is in heaven but it would be the wrong place for M. UIUC does a combination of assigments and tests but I dont know how it pans out as DS1 dropped out after receiving bad midterms which were entirely test based. Ive read stuff in the paper that alludes to the fact that everything is curved and lots of points are given for assignments but I dont know for a fact; I kind of wish we'd had him stick that semester out to know for sure; I think we may have over reacted. I DO know he had hours and hours of homework; ds2's only homework is English papers .
I am thinking about my friend's 20 yo son, who is very handsome and seems like a very nice kid. He really hasn't had a GF yet, although he likes girls. (He says it's all his parents' fault for sending him to an all boys' h.s., although now there are plenty of girls at college, he says he doesn't know how to talk to them.) I also think that when my nephews, who are now 19 & 20 were in h.s., they had more girls calling them than the other way around. I just think a lot of boys mature later when it comes to dating.
I just wonder why your DS was so upset having the "sex talk" w/ dad. I know it's totally embarrassing to kids, but my DS is 11 and is always asking me & his dad questions. They had health last quarter and he was really disappointed to find out it wasn't sex ed, it was more about being healthy and nutrition. Anyway, I would continue w/ this even if he thinks it's embarrassing, because 14 is a little late for him not to know the facts, esp. about birth control!
Thanks...he just dropped in German from a B to a C+ too (although I can't see why; the online grade thing averages to an 85, but if everything's not out there...).
My thoughts at this point are Webster U or SLU as they're smaller and not as test-based, and ACT entrance is lower than like U of I (where I went). He's thinking broadcast journalism or chemistry/physics; we'll see what he's cut out for in a couple of years.
He's got a 2nd appointment at the Center for Vision and Learning; so far, nothing at the first visit other than vision testing which he 'passed' (and I don't mean normal eye doctor stuff; I mean specialized for things like convergence inefficiency). He goes back the 16th for her to do more visual testing with him. (His WISC-III pegged (19) back in grade school on the one category that says he's visual-spatial, which they are definitely not teaching to)
It's terribly frustrating - he knows the material; we can quiz him on it orally. But when it comes to test time, a C is about the best we've seen. And homework just doesn't count near as much in his HS as it did in MS.
I sure hope they can figure something out at the Center...he's getting pretty discouraged.
Sue
<<...many boys are just not ready to be interested in girls at the time when the girls start to be interested.>>
I didn't know that! It seemed like in Middle School, having a bf/gf was the 'thing' to do ... even if all you ever did was walk from the back of the school to the front of the school holding hands after last period, having a bf/gf made you 'cool'. Egad.
DD is a bit frustrated by the whole 'I'm not interested in the boys that like me and the boys I AM interested in don't know I exist!' thing, which I've told her is 'just the way things work for a while', but she seems to think she is missing out on something ... and I think she's wondering if and when she'll ever get her first kiss!
Well, hopefully it will be something special when it finally does happen.
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