14 year old "first love"

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-14-2004
14 year old "first love"
4
Fri, 06-29-2007 - 5:33am
I hope someone can help me with my frustration. My daughter is 14 and is going through her "first love". I am wondering if she really likes this kid or just wants to have a bf. They say they love each other but he constantly does and says mean things to her and has her crying every day. I try so hard to not say anything but I do! I am so afraid that if she feels she has to hang onto him and when they are fighting, which is almost every day, she is the one begging him to talk to her and get back together. He does not know how to be a bf. He rarely calls her or come over. They talk online all the time either fighting or tell each other how much they are in love. I know that some of her guy friends like her and would want her as their gf but as long as she is obsessed with this one she won't find a good one. I hate to see her hurt and crying all the time.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-14-2006
Fri, 06-29-2007 - 7:37am
It's hard to see our kids unhappy, but I think the best thing you can do is support her and give her perspective. This is "first love" not "the one and only". Talk to her in generalities about boyfriends, etc. Let her come to the realization about this guy on her own. Trust her judgement - she'll figure it out. My DD15 had a boyfriend this spring, and on the surface they were perfect for each other, but slowly she realized it wasn't a good match and broke up with him. This is part of what they need to do at this age - develop their understanding of relationships, etc.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-1999
Fri, 06-29-2007 - 8:01am

It's so hard watching them be unhappy, and even contributing to their own unhappiness, isn't it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2007
Fri, 06-29-2007 - 8:57am
I agree with the previous posters. It's probably best if you're just there to listen to and support your DD as she goes through this and figures things out. The more you criticize this bf, the more she will cling to him. Telling her that he isn't "the one" will fall on deaf ears. Trust me, I've been there with my DD! I don't think this situation is all that uncommon at this age. In fact, and I may be going out on a limb here, I think these teens actually enjoy this melodrama on some level. My DD's bf broke up with her just when things were finally on an even keel. We had come to like and accept him, and he no longer had us "evil parents" to complain about all the time. And lo and behold, he suddenly lost interest!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-14-2004
Fri, 06-29-2007 - 5:42pm
Thank you to you and Rose for responding. We have had a bad couple of days over this boy, and I am trying hard to keep my mouth shut. Besides her being upset over him then you kick in all that teen anger and frustration and she is a mess. I really hope she will get tired of him keeping her upset all the time. Thank you, Diane