14 year old son wants to go to girlfriends house? Help

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-24-2012
14 year old son wants to go to girlfriends house? Help
20
Tue, 01-24-2012 - 8:05pm
Let me start off my saying I am a christian woman who wants to live a Godly life but also allow my son some freedom. My son is a great young man and has had his girlfriend for about 11 month, she is also a wonderful young lady, but here is the catch my son is still a virgin( I know this because I watch his every move Facebook, emails, texts etc) she however is not and at one time was already pregnant at 14 with her ex boyfriends child. Again I understsnd it was a mistake but it still happened, I am so worried that my son will give in to temptation and become sexual active with this young lady because she has already experienced sex and has been pressuring him a little bit through texts that I have seen. I do not trust her parents to watch and make sure they are not doing anything considering there daughter has already been pregnant, but my son is begging and pleading with me to allow him to go to her house and her come here. This is terrible hard for me because I want to trust them but I just can't, we allow him to go to the mall, movies, etc already but he is pushing for more stating that he never gets alone time with her and it's not fair ( I think that's kinda the point but he is not happy) I need advice I don't want to be a hoverer that releases him into the wild do to speak at 16 when he has his license but I am struggling with this. Let him go or not to?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2004

okay and this is to the original poster.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-1998

I'd invite the girl over to your house while you are there, but not let your son over to hers. This is my rule regardless of the relationship. If there's inadequate supervision, my kids don't go. My only exceptions are for kids (platonic friends only) whom I know really well and whose parents I know have similar values. For everyone else, a parent needs to be present and visible.

My son had his GF over a few times

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999

One problem here is that you & your DH have to have a talk & figure out what your rules are before you can make the household rules as everybody else has said.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-24-2011

This is how I see it:

First you have to ask yourself whether you approve of the girl in question as a potential long-term partner for your son.

If not, then the matter is simple - keep them apart somehow, using whatever means are appropriate.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-24-2012
Thank you yes I understand I have spoke with him about the fact that we could monitor him because we care he does not know the extent but he knows there is a chance. Like I have stated I do trust that he wants to do the right thing but as you have said hormones are raging and it's natural. My son and I actually have a very good relationship, he talks openly with me and we goof around but I also know when to be strict and put my foot down, he is popular, involved in sports, he won MVP of his football team, team captains and is an A and B student I am very proud of him and respect the young man he is yet I am so afraid he will ruin it all with a mistake :( I am so torn on the right answer I never really seek advice like this but I am struggling with the right answer, I don't feel he should go to his girlfriends house but my husband differs with me so herein the dilemma lies
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999

Why does your DH think this is ok?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-24-2012
No my husband is a good father but he thinks that if we keep him from this than he will resent us because we are not trusting him
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999

There are certain situations where it's kind of stupid to trust a kid--or at least you don't want to place them in situations where things could get out of hand too easily.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-24-2012
Yes I believe that also he actually is being pretty respectful about the whole thing he just states that he is the only kid that can't be free to make mistakes and go to his gf house I just tell him we live him and don't want something to happen that he can't take back. Thank you for your responses it has helped a lot :)
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-20-2011

OP, my daughter is 13.

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