14 year old son wants to go to girlfriends house? Help

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-24-2012
14 year old son wants to go to girlfriends house? Help
20
Tue, 01-24-2012 - 8:05pm
Let me start off my saying I am a christian woman who wants to live a Godly life but also allow my son some freedom. My son is a great young man and has had his girlfriend for about 11 month, she is also a wonderful young lady, but here is the catch my son is still a virgin( I know this because I watch his every move Facebook, emails, texts etc) she however is not and at one time was already pregnant at 14 with her ex boyfriends child. Again I understsnd it was a mistake but it still happened, I am so worried that my son will give in to temptation and become sexual active with this young lady because she has already experienced sex and has been pressuring him a little bit through texts that I have seen. I do not trust her parents to watch and make sure they are not doing anything considering there daughter has already been pregnant, but my son is begging and pleading with me to allow him to go to her house and her come here. This is terrible hard for me because I want to trust them but I just can't, we allow him to go to the mall, movies, etc already but he is pushing for more stating that he never gets alone time with her and it's not fair ( I think that's kinda the point but he is not happy) I need advice I don't want to be a hoverer that releases him into the wild do to speak at 16 when he has his license but I am struggling with this. Let him go or not to?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2001

You'll allow him to go to the movies with her but not let her come over to your house?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2000

Hi and welcome to the board. Our general rule of thumb was that the boys couldn't do any one on one dating til they were about 16 or so. They could have a group of friends over or go to someone's home with a group, out to movies and the mall with a group, etc. from the time they were 13 or 14. At 14 - they really don't need to be alone with a girl. Too much time alone can lead to situations that they may not be mature enough to handle. I'd stand firm on this one. If you don't feel her parents will chaperone closely enough let him have her and some friends over to your house to watch a movie, have pizza, etc.

All that being said, of course, where there's a will there's a way - there's nothing stopping them from having sex in the alley behind the movie theater, etc. Keep communication open, let your ds know that it's OK for the boy to say no - if she's pressuring him to do something that he's not ready to do then he may want to rethink the relationship. Make sure he knows about the physical and emotional consequences of having sex too early. Make sure he understands contraception so if and when he does have sex he minimizes the chances of paying child support for 18 years or ending up with an STD. Good luck and keep us posted.

Pam
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-24-2012
Thank you! That is one thing I am confident about is that I am extremely open with my son about sex probably more so than he would like, but my husband and I have been communicating with him for some time about the ill affects of sex too young and the positives when your married, but it's scary to think it might not be enough, if I allow the girl to come to our house the mother will become offended because she has been bugging to have him over, the mother has even stated " I have the girl shouldn't I be the one that is worried" and that statement alone makes me believe she is not thinking. My son tells me all the time he is not ready for sex but I feel that the more comfortable the two of them get in a place or situation the easier it will become to start fooling around! My husband and I differ in our opinions and it's hard because I think he feels I am being silly and need to let go a little because if I don't than our son will resent us as parents. My thought on that is I am a parent and I need to do what is right to protect our child even if that means its not popular, we are both strong willed parents and it seems that my husband tends to get the last word on something's and I feel this might be one of them ( I will add we have a wonderful marriage and hardly disagree except when it comes to big issues with the teenager) I am just frustrated and worried . Thank you again for your reply
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-24-2012
@ ekmama I am sorry you must have misunderstood they are never alone we either sit in the back of the theater or at another table at the restaurant etc, this is we're he is not happy with no time spent with her sorry I should have explained better but thank you for your post
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999

It seems like right now you are doing the right thing by supervising them closely.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-24-2012
@musiclover12 thank you yes I understand that teenagers are hormonal no matter what there background that's why I am having a hard time I just want him to understsnd the gravity of his choice to have sex but I feel like I talk to him about it so much I almost seem paranoid lol ( which I am but I don't want it to be obvious to my son) I am learning to trust in something's because he is so mature and responsible but in this I am struggling :/
Avatar for sabrtooth
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-1999

We were with Pam.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-24-2012
I understand but my son does not know I check up on him I do it secretly and it's not everyday but I do check up. I actually am a strict but living parent and would love to have I said no so that's it type parenting but my husband is a little more lax so we differ, he will start second guessing decisions we make because he feels our son is a good kid, that is why he goes to the movies etc with us as chaperones because I don't agree but my husband thinks we should allow it! My dilema lies with the fact I can't trust the daughters mom, she is sneaky and I don't trust that she will keep an eye on them. I would have a lot easyier time if the young lady came to our house, but of that happens than the mom will be offended if I don't allow our son to go to there house. It's just a very touchy situation
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-1999

Your son is only 14 and you're conflicted about allowing him to go to his g/f's house, where you're pretty certain there won't be adequate supervision, because you're worried about offending her mother?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2004

is this post for real?

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