14 yo dd wants to go to late night party
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|Fri, 10-24-2003 - 8:16am|
She is a sophomore in high school, the youngest in her class. She hangs out with kids typically 15/16 years old.
Anyway, the party doesn't start until 10pm, which I think is late.
Then she asked after the party she wants to go to her friends house to sleep.
I don't know the girl that is giving the party, but I do know the girl that she wants to have the sleepover with and she is a good kid, although I haven't met her parents yet.
Anyway, my initial reaction was 10pm for a party to start?
Why does it start so late?
Her response was "Mom, we're teenagers now".
My thoughts were "yeah, and your point is.... ?"
But, I said ok - just let me have the parents phone number of both girls and I would let her know.
She jumped all over me saying if I had to call the parents, then I didn't trust her.
And, why didn't I just believe her when she said the parents are going to be home.
I said I did believe her, I'm sure they'll be there, but I still need to talk to them.
She wanted to know why and I said that is what I always do. I just call to ask about what is happening and it gives me a comfort level.
She completely balked.
Now, she hasn't been to a party or a sleepover in a while.
Although, in all cases previously, I have always met the parents either before or at the door or at least spoke to them on the phone. She has always given me a hard time about this.
Nonetheless, this is nothing new for me. I speak to them or she doesn't go.
She feels she is getting older and I should just trust her word. This is the first time she has asked to go somewhere that I don't know the girl or her parents.
I tried to assure her that being a good parent and doing what I think is right is not a direct reflection of my trust in her.
But, she was very upset - to the point where she lost phone privileges because of her tone (and her volume).
She said that if I call the parents she won't go because she doesn't want to be the kid at the party whose mother ruined it for everyone else by ensuring the parents were going to be in the vicinity monitoring everyone.
(This is also another side benefit to talking to the parents. I want to make sure the kids are supervised. It doesn't mean they have to be in the room with them all the time, but they should make their presence known without being overly intrusive to the kids fun.)
Well, if she doesn't go, this is all well and good with me.
At this point, even if she gave me the phone number, I'm not sure I'd let her go.
If she gets this upset about my calling, maybe something is up!
If she didn't get upset and said "ok Mom", I'd be more at ease.
Anyway, what do you all think?
Am I being over-protective of a 14 almost 15yo?