14 YO with no friends/advice

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-06-2003
14 YO with no friends/advice
12
Thu, 11-06-2003 - 3:39pm
My 14 year old has no friends come over and he has gone over to one friends house once. in the two years that we have been in this new town. He is cute and outgoing generally speaking.

He now goes to the neighbors and hangs out with their 7 and 9 year old boys. I encourage him to make friends...ask people to do things..please help

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Thu, 11-06-2003 - 5:54pm

Hi and welcome to the board.



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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-14-2003
Thu, 11-06-2003 - 6:02pm

I'll have to echo Pam's suggestions.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
Sat, 11-08-2003 - 12:22pm

while i understand your concern about his lack of a social life - I would be more concerned that his entire social life consists of two much younger kids. at 14 he should be hanging out with other 14YOs. and if he can't get along with 14 YOs then a year or two older or younger is still well within the "norm". but hangin around with 7-9 YOs is not healthy. see, if a kid has social issues (whatever it is - shyness, immaturity, low self esteem)-

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-06-2003
Mon, 11-10-2003 - 9:49am
thanks for the advice...i guess since he is an only child letting him play with the next door neighbor's 7 and 9 year old was the idea that he has no siblings, but the idea to have him get a job or join a community thing is a good idea. He did play freshman soccer and loved it, but then he there was no follow up time with some of those friends. he says he is fine.
Avatar for ashdenson
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 11-10-2003 - 10:41pm

My son is 16. He has friends at school but never socializes and couldn't care less about outside activities - he has just spent too much time in his room on his computer.


I've put him in therapy w/a psychologist who says - its not normal for a 15-16yr to just stay in his room - and he wants to find out why in order to help him. My son is on anti-depr (we've just changed to another one) but that is not the help he needs to get out of his room. This is only my experience with my son.

Denise

Denise

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Tue, 11-11-2003 - 11:46pm
Hi,

I hope you are still checking this. This may sound dumb but do you have bowling lanes in your area. If so, encourage him to get on a league. There are all kinds. School kids usually have leagues on Saturdays from ages 6-18. This is a good way for him to meet people from different schools and areas of town. He will probably make new friends and maybe even learn a new sport. Tell him to go things at his school even if he goes by himself, he probably won't be that way for now. Sporting events, church festivals, whatever. Encourage him to to to whatever he can go to.

Hope this works.

Avatar for ashdenson
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 11-12-2003 - 1:43am

Hi


I wasn't trying to scare you - I just wanted you to know my experience.


Hugs

Denise

Denise

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-16-2003
Sun, 11-16-2003 - 5:06am
leave him alone. There is no law that says everyone has to have a ton of friends in their lives. You say he is outgoing and friendly then what is the problem? So he's not the most popular kid around. Maybe he hangs around with the younger kids because he feels more comfortable with them. If their parents don't mind then it's not really a problem. Actually I would have to say that the one with the problem is you, you're trying to turn your child into someone he isn't.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-16-2003
Tue, 11-18-2003 - 12:38am
"I've put him in therapy w/a psychologist who says - its not normal for a 15-16yr to just stay in his room"

Ut oh....I guess me, my step sisters, my ex husband, alot of my friends should have all been in therapy during higschool because most of us during the ages of 15 and 16 spent MOST of our time in our bedrooms...why? Well for one thing our stereos were in there, I had a television, and my own phone. I could be out of the line of fire when my manic depressive mother and alcoholic father got into it. I didn't have to listen to my sister yelling at the both of them to stop fighting. Gosh we missed out on all that therapy...and yet we've made it to our 50s and weren't on anti depressants to get here...hmmmmmm
Avatar for ashdenson
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 11-18-2003 - 2:41am

First of all, I wasn't clear. Since he has been about 13-14 he spends summers, vacations, weekends, and weekdays in his room - he literally does NOTHING ELSE. His only friend is his computer - and when I say nothing - I mean nothing.

Denise

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