14 yr dd and her first boyfriend

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Registered: 03-25-2003
14 yr dd and her first boyfriend
3
Mon, 08-21-2006 - 11:53pm

my daughter has her first boyfriend... on an IM he asked her if she would go out with him and i thought he was asking for a date but have since learned that this was a request to become an 'item' to which she said yes -- what's followed since is about 4 "dates" - all during the day - lasting about 6 hours each - generally 10am-4pm or similar....

anyway - today was the 4th date and they kissed for the first time... my daughter, in fact, was getting a little anxious because he hadnt tried to kiss her yet- even though she gave him a peck on the cheek at the end of the 2nd and 3rd dates... I didn't want to encourage anything though i didn't want her to feel like she was doing anything wrong and i told her he was probably just shy...

well - today was the day and, in fact, she told me they spent hours kissing... they basically walked around the neighborhood .... kissing i guess... i can remember the excitement of all this - but of course, i was older when it happened to me (doesn't it seem that everything these kids do is earlier than we did it?)

we talk constantly - my daughter and I and i trust her - but i am a little concerned about how quickly this might move .. or if it will at all .. she's already told me that both she & he don't want to have sex and i believe her - but, of course, that's today.. what about next week or the week after that? when kissing is no longer so new? i hear her on the phone w/her friends telling them that she loves him and i've seen their IM's where they tell each other they love the other...

i'd be interested to hear stories of your kids firsts bf & gf's and how things went or are going....

thanks!
Rachel

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Registered: 05-12-2003
Tue, 08-22-2006 - 7:53am
Well...it all sounds pretty normal to me. The fact is, there is no way of telling at this point whether things will progress past kissing or not. For the time being, relax... I know that is hard because we parents tend to want to get a little too involved to try to make things right. Kids say they love each other way to soon these days. Remember how hard it was for us when we were young teens? You just didn't say you loved somebody unless you were really sure... and guys had such a hard time saying it. Not anymore... they use the word "love" way too freely which I think can cause confusion and heartbreak but heartbreak is part of the learning. Your DD might be infatuated right now and in a week decide there's something about him she just doesn't like OR HE might. Or it could last awhile. If it lasts over 2 months... then there's pressure.... for going further than kissing, for staying together, not "looking" at other guys/girls which becomes drama, etc. If you have good communication that is the best thing 'cuz she may come to you with a lot of it. When they get to be around 15-16, the communication may not be there as much. Again.. all normal. They want to run things by their friends because they are growing up and feeling more independant. Good luck.
Deb
Debbie
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Registered: 08-31-2004
Tue, 08-22-2006 - 12:12pm

Hi, Aren't these times fun fun!!!

I can say from experience, don't get too involved. Yes we need to watch over them, especially in the young teen years, they are so inexperienced but they won't admit to that. My daughter had her first b/f at 14 and both sets of parents got involved, now we all don't speak. Most relationships at that age do not last. Yes and there was all the "i love you" stuff. It does get thrown away so much nowadays. They actually dated well over a year and eventually just got tired of each other. I did not have to deal with a lot of heartache, it was mutual they just wanted to move on.

It is great that you and your daughter communicate. My daughter and I are very close and she talks to me about things too, although keep in mind, she won't talk about everything. And sometimes it is better just not to know. They do need to have some privacy. If she questions things, give her the best answers you know how. I am sure you have already had the "talk". If she says she does not want to have sex, that is great. My daughter always said she did not want to with her first b/f and she did not, even though he pressured. If she has a good head on her shoulders, you are in great shape. My daughter is almost 19 now and with a great guy. It somehow all works out.

Give her lots of love and hugs, that is always a good place to start.

Good luck with your teen!

Andie

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Registered: 02-14-2000
Tue, 08-22-2006 - 12:54pm

Hi Rachel - young love, huh?

Pam