14 yr old DS at crossroads

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2003
14 yr old DS at crossroads
7
Thu, 11-02-2006 - 12:05pm

           

    

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2000
Thu, 11-02-2006 - 12:29pm

You are right - a 14yo (or 15yo for that matter) is in no way ready emotionally for sex.

Pam
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2003
Thu, 11-02-2006 - 12:37pm

Thanks Pam.

           

    

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2000
Thu, 11-02-2006 - 1:10pm
I agree completely.
Pam
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-22-2003
Thu, 11-02-2006 - 1:29pm
No, you are not too strict, especially for a 14 year old. Do everything you can now because once they start driving, it's much more of a challenge to keep them on the right track. And I agree with Pam, you're so wise to keep the communications open. Again, you are not too strict.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 11-02-2006 - 4:05pm

I think 'too strict' is when you have the same rules at 17 that you had at 14!

He is just beginning his teens-it's time for the tight leash when needed. And, as someone said, once he and his friends start driving, it gets a lot harder

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-1999
Thu, 11-02-2006 - 4:52pm

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I have to agree wholeheartedly.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-18-2005
Thu, 11-02-2006 - 6:21pm

My DD15 also has friends who drink, experiment with smoking (both kinds), and have been sexual. Last year (9th grade) seemed to be a crossroads for her too. The open communication, as you described, has helped us in three ways. First, I have a good sense of what's going on. Second, she knows she can come to me when she needs to. Third, she can bounce stuff off of me and refine her own definition of what's right and what she wants to do.

For your DS, I see the transition between doing what mom says and doing what he knows is right is the next big step. Help him make his own decisions, and he'll be learning how to be responsible (if it comes from his own thinking it will stick longer than if it comes from you).

As for short vs. long leash, I guess we've kept a relatively short leash so far. BUT, we try to find ways to let DD stretch a little, again so she can learn how to handle herself. Recently she wanted to go to a Teen Club. At first we said "no", but on reflection decided to have her go, with us setting limits, and then letting her grow into more freedom.

Good luck with your son!

Sue