15 year old daughter in realtionship with same boy for over 2 years

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2011
15 year old daughter in realtionship with same boy for over 2 years
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Thu, 04-14-2011 - 10:55am

I have a mature for her age 15 year old daughter who has been dating the same boy for over two years. (She hit puberty at 10 so she acts more like a 17 or 18 year old most of the time) Most advice I have gotten is forbid it.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999

I don't think there is much you can really do about it--you can't make her like other people when she really likes this kid.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2011

Thanks for your post!

Avatar for suzyk2118
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-30-1997
I only dated one person at a time in high school; one soph year and part of jr year, and one sr year into college. This did not prohibit me having other male friends (going into physics and math it was almost all guys) but honestly I wasn't looking to date someone else - on the 2nd one we dated for a couple of years and were very solid. I do think a sustaining relationship says a lot about a person, esp at a younger age - means they're not just dating to experiment with other kids and that they also then are in it for the long haul and thus work through things vs. breaking up at the first disagreement. Other than being young in my book, I see nothing wrong with your scenario.

Sue
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-1998

I wouldn't worry. I know you can't help it because no one wants their kid in an intense, long relationship at 15, especially when you know that one of them is going to get their heart broken sooner or later. Relationships at this age just don't last, so when you talk to your DD, do try to work that in there. She won't like hearing it, but it will prepare her for the eventual break-up, either when they go to college or when one decides to dump the other.

As far as the "high school dating experience goes," well, I think that's overrated and very often, doesn't even exist. Lots of perfectly healthy, happy teens don't date at all in high school. The idea that they must puts a lot of pressure on them.

My daughter is almost 16 and has never been on a date. She's also very mature for her age and I suspect that when she does like a boy, it will be a very intense relationship, so I'm in no rush. Every once in a while, she expresses some concern about dating, but I just encourage her to enjoy herself without the distraction of a boy.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999

Since you mentioned that not everyone dates in high school, I thought I'd throw in that my DD (now 22) was the total opposite in h.s.--she never dated.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-1999

My DD, now nearly 20 y/o, started dating her fiance when she was just 2 months past her 15th bday.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2001

ITA Rose.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2011
Hi Sue,
Thank you for your thoughtful, insightful words. You sound very intelligent as well. My daughter also takes upper math classes which have mostly guys. It makes me feel so much better hearing from someone who was there and turned out just fine. :) They have been through some rough spots, but both seem to want to make it work. So they do. Thanks again for your thoughts.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2011
Thank you for taking the time to reply. I really appreciate it. I keep telling myself that it won't last, but they are going on 2 1/2 years! I can feel the ebbs and flows of the relationship where at times, they are having problems and I think, ok this is it. And I feel guilty about feeling relieved that it is coming to an end, and then they work it out. And I think "darn it." Even though he really is a very nice kid and I actually really like him. If I could just fast forward this relationship 8 or 10 years into the future, I know I would be very happy with the person she chose. I think that is part of my problem, I feel torn. I don't want to encourage her to maintain a long-term relationship at this age, but at the same time, I don't want her to think that I disapprove of her choice of a guy. I have told her most of all I want her to be happy, not just now, but long term as well. I have also told her I don't want her to be hurt when they break up. But I honestly do not see how to soften that blow. My daughter has excellent self-esteem and sense of self worth. She is confident and mature. And she tells me, "Mom I really like him. I don't want to date anyone else right now. You have no idea how immature most of the guys is HS are. We aren't serious! I'm just in high school." And I just don't know what to say to that really. My daughter has always been a very loyal friend so I think that plays into it as well.
And as far as the high school dating experience goes, maybe this is it.?
Well, thanks for letting me vent. If you have any other thoughts for me, please feel free. And good luck to you when your daughter begins dating! :)
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2009

Well, my kindred

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