15 year old Don Juan...Not Quite ;-)

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-02-2007
15 year old Don Juan...Not Quite ;-)
19
Fri, 03-02-2007 - 9:01am

My 15 year old son is girl crazy, but is just beginning to learn the steps involved in dating a young woman, and is understandly quite awkward at this stage. He went to a dance a few nights ago, and apparently was able to establish a nice rapport with one of the girls there. She also happens to be a girl he's very interested in. Well, I guess he mistook her frendliness for romantic interest, and decided to plant a kiss on her. She was taken aback and became quite upset. She exclaimed, "Michael, I thought you were my friend!", and then she gave him a crisp slap on his cheek.

He feels really bad for a whole slew of reasons. He feels ashamed that he got his face slapped by a girl, and now lacks confidence about his touch with the ladies. He feels even worse that he made her so upset. He's also disappointed that she didn't see him as more than a friend, but would hate to lose her as a friend.

I gave him some consolation and support, but would like to hear what advice you would offer him as well.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2000
Fri, 03-02-2007 - 9:14am
Aww - poor guy.
Pam
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-02-2007
Fri, 03-02-2007 - 9:26am
Hi Pam, I agree! He needs to slooowwww down. Let's just go with hand holding and hugging for a while. I was also joking with him that he shouldn't feel too bad...he accomplished two rites of passage - his first kiss and first slap - in short succession ;-)
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-2006
Fri, 03-02-2007 - 10:53am

I think Pam's advice is good ... your DS probably needs to be established as a 'couple' with his love interests before attempting the ol' smoochero. Poor guy! My DS is just 13 and so far, has absolutely no interest in girls (or so he is leading me to believe) yet.

As the mom of a 15yo DD, however, I recently been on the other side of that scenario:

A few weeks ago, DD went to winter formal with a boy think is pretty nifty. Very polite, gentlemanly and hey! he brought ME flowers AND a box of See's candies .. as well as a whole slew of gifts for DD. A very fine young man ...

Sadly for this young man, DD has no 'romantic interest' in him and a few days after the dance, she finally started talking about the event, having been pretty closed mouth about it for 3-4 days immediately following.

She was shocked and dismayed that a) he scooched all the way over and sat right next to her on the ride to dinner -- so close he was sitting on her dress and b) he 'expected something' after the dance.

What sort of something? (me, thinking the worst -- a quickie in the alley behind the dance?)
A kiss! He wanted me to kiss him!
And what is so wrong with that? (me)
Eeewww!
Eeewww ???? You know, kissing someone isn't really all that bad (I'm trying not to laugh here)
I KNOW That, mom! Not if it's someone you actually WANT to kiss ...

I don't know who I sympathized with most -- DD for being in that position of being expected to kiss someone she didn't want to, or her date, who was pretty much rejected.

She did give him a goodbye *hug* though ...

 

 

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-20-2005
Fri, 03-02-2007 - 11:02am
No advice for you but one thought from the mom of girls - unless he was forceful (which I'm sure he wasn't), then she was out of line. A very simple "i'm not interested in you in that way" would have been more than sufficient.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2007
Fri, 03-02-2007 - 4:40pm
I agree. The slap was really unnecessary, especially if she considered him a friend. Has this girl been watching too many old movies or something??
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-25-2006
Fri, 03-02-2007 - 10:57pm
I,also,agree. Geez, the poor guy's only 15. Unless he stuck his tongue in her mouth she had no business slapping him. At least he knows she's not a keeper!

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http://www.pnhp.org/news/2009/october/meet_the_new_health_.php

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DQTBYQlQ7yM

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-25-2006
Fri, 03-02-2007 - 11:02pm
That's funny, Julie. At least she didn't slap him for expecting a kiss. I remember feeling the same way about a guy, Jim Mitchell (common enough name that I can post it here), with whom a friend hooked me up when I was about 16. He was a very nice guy, just not the type you'd want to kiss--at least not on a first date.

-----------------------------------------------
http://www.pnhp.org/news/2009/october/meet_the_new_health_.php

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DQTBYQlQ7yM

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-02-2007
Fri, 03-02-2007 - 11:16pm

Well, you do make a good point, but he said it only stung a little, and he didn't have a big problem with it. He was more concerned about upsetting her.

Anyway, I am pleased to report that he sent her an email and all is well!! She has forgiven him. This is actuallly an interesting situation. She's a very pretty, petite girl who happens to be quite "well endowed" for a 15 year old girl ;-) (Btw, she never said she was pretty, these are his words) Because of this, she receives a lot of unwanted attention from hormonal teen boys. Honestly, it must difficult for a young girl to be objectified like that. She saw Michael as different from the rest, a boy who was a friend she could trust. So, she felt terribly betrayed when he kissed her. He apologized for doing so, and said that he probably read far more into her words than what she intended, at face value.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Sun, 03-04-2007 - 6:40pm

I took a couple of days to think about this post before responding. I guess I can't quite get my mind around the fact that everyone here is "oh the poor boy".

I don"t understand why a girl should have to be careful how she reacts to unwanted sexual advances. I personally found it more disturbing that a boy of 15 would attempt a kiss before holding hands or putting his arm around a girl. Even if the boy is a friend...ever heard of "date rape"? When you hear about a date rape situation it is usually said that "he thought she wanted it" Possibly that is what happens when young boys aren't taught boundarys or to respect females. As the mother of a daughter I want her to feel free to react when someone makes an unwanted advance.

Yeah sure we need to consider whether it may have been forceful,was it a kiss on the cheek or a kiss on the lips. Maybe the slap was a bit much..but I don't really get the "oh the poor boy" thing. The fact remains that this boy needs to learn how to read clues and I personally would hope by 15 that he would be able to read those clues enough to know whether a kiss is welcome. It wouuld seem to me that even if the girl has welcomed the kiss that this boy is moving a bit to fast...choosing kissing before holding hands.

I am not saying at all that this boy will eventually commit date rape when I mentioned it above...I strictly used that as a example. I just really don't agree that the girl holds alot of blame for reacting the way she did.

Kim

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-2006
Sun, 03-04-2007 - 7:08pm

I thought it was kinda funny too ... she's really holding out so that first kiss will really be *something special*.

After she told me all this, I asked her if she felt the same way about sex. "Well, duh mom! Whadd'ya think?'

I must confess I was pretty happy with that response!

 

 

 

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