15 year old not inviting friends over

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-11-2008
15 year old not inviting friends over
6
Wed, 02-09-2011 - 10:30am

Hi,

I need help with my 15 year old daughter. She goes to her friends houses, but will not invite them to our house. The house is clean enough, so that's not the problem. She just says she doesn't want to be here, she would rather be there (their houses). It's becoming more of a problem now because she has 2 male friends. They are both 17. She goes to one of their houses frequently, and the other occassionally. The occassional one she used to be sort of boyfriend/girlfriend with. The frequent one, he is "in love" with her but she just wants to be friends. The first guy, I met one time and that was almost a year ago. The second guy I met for 10 seconds once. That's the one she goes to almost every day now. Just to clarify, she also doesn't bring her girlfriends here. She only has 2 close girlfriends, but she doesn't bring them here. Now for the question - should I insist on her occassionally bringing the male friends here? If so, then how often? Should it be 50/50? I at least want to have one conversation with the second guy, since she practically lives at his house now.

Thanks.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-12-2011
Sat, 02-12-2011 - 6:56pm
I tend to be a little strict but I wouldn't be letting my 15 yo go to boys homes unless I've met and approved of the parents.
You could plan a night where you have the friends over, let them do what teens do, play on the Wii and eat pizza. Have fun with them or supervise from a distance.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Wed, 02-09-2011 - 10:21pm

I would definitely not be comfortable w/ a young girl going to an older boy's house where you don't even know this kid!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-1998
Wed, 02-09-2011 - 8:09pm

Agree with the others. Time to set some strict limits. I have a 15 yo DD and there is NO WAY I'd let her have the kind of freedom you give your DD. And mine's a total nerd. I just know that no teenager has well-developed judgment.

Visits to boys should have

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 02-09-2011 - 7:41pm

Red flags everywhere!

Yes, you need to meet the boys. You need to make a surprise visit to the home when you 'know' she is there and see what is going on.

15 is awfully young to have this kind of freedom.

Avatar for sabrtooth
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-1999
Wed, 02-09-2011 - 11:54am

Of course she doesn't want her "friends" at your house.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2000
Wed, 02-09-2011 - 11:02am

My initial thought is that she may be going to their houses because there's less supervision. Does she tell you what they do over there every day? Are his folks around when she's there? Have you talked to the mom to make sure you all have the same ground rules and expectations? When my older ds went through his rebellious phase during senior year he never brought his friends over here because he knew we were around to supervise. Your dd is only 15 and IMO that's very young to let her go to boys' homes alone period, let alone homes of boys you don't know.

Pam