15 yr old boy discovers self

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-28-2003
15 yr old boy discovers self
8
Mon, 04-28-2003 - 8:08pm
Title says it all and yet I have talked to him about these acts on him self to discourage him of self pleasure, grow, mature, save it for your life long partner. Must be on def ears. I know he is now sweating to mags. What next? He was at his mothers for a week, when he got back to my place for his week with me, he could not get to his room fast enough for well you guessed it. I may be asking of advise, yet I don't know if you are not a father with a teen, it might be tough to advis. MW
Avatar for yuccabugg
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 04-28-2003 - 9:22pm
If you're talking about "self-pleasure", and I hope you are, because if you're not I'll feel like a doofus...I see absolutely nothing wrong with it.
Avatar for elc11
Community Leader
Registered: 06-16-1998
Mon, 04-28-2003 - 10:15pm
I'm the mother of a teen boy and girl so I cannot speak from a father's perspective. I don't see a problem with him engaging in "self-pleasure". The urges are normal. Better to take care of it himself than with somebody's 15yo daughter--no risk of pregnancy or disease, or emotional entanglements that he may not be ready for if he equates sex with "love". I would stress the importance of being private about it but I don't think there is anything wrong or shameful about it. JMHO.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Tue, 04-29-2003 - 9:01am
I have to agree with the other 2 posters - this is a perfectly normal, healthy release. And as was previously mentioned, much better than having teenage sex. Now if it's getting to the point where he is obsessed with it to the point that his grades are dropping, he's not pursuing his hobbies, etc. that's different. Otherwise I don't see the problem.

Pam



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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-14-2003
Tue, 04-29-2003 - 10:42am
He's a normal boy, he's a normal person. Discouraging masturbation is antiquated as it is a very normal human behavior. When it gets to be a problem is when masturbation takes over normal everyday activities and becomes the focal point of a person's life.

Masturbation is safe and 100% effective in avoiding STDs and pregnancy.

Surely you were once a teen and understand the need, just as you do as an adult. Kids could be doing a lot worse, than hiding in their rooms and *pleasuring* themselves when they need to.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 04-29-2003 - 12:18pm
ITA with the other posters. It is a normal, healthy activity for teenagers to endulge in. My ds is so funny. He does it in the shower so his sheets don't get messy. LOL!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-14-2003
Wed, 04-30-2003 - 4:01pm
Explains the arias in the shower we've been hearing, LOL!
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-20-2003
Wed, 08-20-2003 - 5:58pm
Certainly it is common for boys to masturbate, so in that sense it is normal. Also, it is not physically harmful. However, you have identified the spiritual or emotional harm that can result. You say he is masturbating using magazines. This activity, whether it is pornography or a Victoria's Secret catalogue, makes women into sexual objects rather than real people. When he does that he is making women into depersonalized objects for his selfish sexual gratification. Some of the posters mention it is OK if he does not become obsessed with it. In theory that might be OK, but the reality is that when boys start masturbating they do become obsessed with it. If you do not believe me check out a pro-masturbation site called something like "jackinWorld". This is not a habit that will magically disapear when he gets married. How do you think he will feel about his wife after he masturbates checking out a swimsuit issue of a magazine? How do you think she will feel if she finds out?

Shere Hite in her book The Hite Report on Male Sexuality found:Most men, even though they masturbate, feel they should not, and they feel lonely and guilty for doing it. Many men found it depressing. The overwhelming majority of men are secretive about doing it. Most do not even tell their wives.

As you can see, males instinctively know it is wrong to masturbate. Also, it is apparent that men usually continue to suffer from masturbation the rest of their lives once they develop the habit. That is why it is so important to prevent masturbation before it starts; it is highly addictive. At this point, I should caution you that helping your son avoid masturbation is not a short-term task. It is similar to dieting, where virtually every day faces temptation. One conversation will not do it. And like a dieter, he will slip from time to time. You need to always be there to support him in developing the self-control to resist the daily desire to masturbate.

Perhaps the easy road would be to ignore the problem and let your son sink into a hidden addiction that you never have to see. But as a parent, don’t you want something better for your child? As a parent, you are probably the only person in your son’s life who will have the opportunity to give him the chance not to develop this problem. If Christian books do not turn you off, I highly recommend "Every Young Man's Battle."

Good luck,

Sarah

Avatar for auntdee611
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 08-20-2003 - 10:15pm
Two year olds know pleasure when they feel it..they can be way more obvious about it,too! There's nothing wrong with it..as long as, like the other poster said, he doesn't lose touch with the whole rest of the world over it! Heavens!

JMHO..I think your step son has to spend some time by himself in his room..without everyone in the house knowing WHAT he's doing! Heavens! I know my sons masturbated..but I sure didn't know WHEN..and I didn't WANT to know when!

D